Mariah Carey "Obsessed" : Mimi defends hubby, torches Eminem, abandons voice

Let’s get this out of the way first: Mariah Carey’s new single, Obsessed, isn’t any good. At best, it’s expensively mediocre; at worst, it's resolutely craptacular. (LISTEN TO THE SONG HERE) That said, the midtempo putdown, from Aug. 25 release Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel, is somewhat interesting, at least from a pop culture standpoint. First of all, it’s a diss track, aimed at Eminem, whose lascivious new cut Bagpipes From Baghdad ripped Carey and new hubby Nick Cannon. Here, the 40-year-old Mimi taunts right back, about Em's drug use, about his out-of-touchness. She adds: "I see right through you like you’re bathing in Windex."

Okay, on second thought, maybe that's not interesting at all. But get this: Obsessed is grotesquely Auto-Tuned, relying on digi-trickery rather than natural talent. Yes, yes, everyone from Cher to Kanye West to Miley Cyrus Auto-Tunes to exaggerated effect these days. But c'mon, this is the ego-rich, octave-spanning Mariah we're talking about here, the woman with more No. 1s than Elvis Presley, besmirching her one true talent (non-booby division). I wanna say Obsessed signals either the end of Carey's career or the end of Auto-Tune. I can't decide which. But frankly, I see rich reward in each.

'(500) Days of Summer' has the best soundtrack I've heard in a long time

I love soundtracks, always have. Purple Rain, The Graduate, Electric Horseman. In fact just last night, I played both Vision Quest and Butch Cassidy on vinyl for my daughters (and no, they did not run sobbing). Unfortunately, my desk these days is littered with crap 'tracks from, say, Transformers 2, crass marketing ploys featuring loud Nickelbacky sludge that has little to do with the flick. 

That's why the soundtrack for romantic comedy (500) Days of Summer -- which hits theaters July 17 -- is so good, so refreshing. I have no idea if the movie works (although you gotta admit, that trailer is brilliant). But I can say for certain that the accompanying album is a smartly, bittersweetly nuanced mixtape featuring old weepers (Simon & Garfunkel, the Smiths, Hall & Oates) and new jobs (Regina Spektor, Doves, Wolfmother). All the cuts you hear in the trailer are also on the album, available July 14. 

By the way, for fans of our Stuck in the '80s podcast, (500) Days of Summer might as well be called The Steve Spears Story. Proceed with caution, my sobby brethren.

Archie, Veronica...and Colbie Caillat?

I've never actually read an Archie comic, and yet I'm strangely obsessed with the Riverdale gang. Here's my question: How is there ALWAYS a crisp new Archie comic in the checkout line at my local grocery store? Seriously, it's like every week. Who's buying these things? They can't survive on just collectors, can they? Is there some sort of Jughead cult? And why am I so attracted to Betty? Is that healthy?

I'm starting to think something's going on, because sandy pop waif Colbie Caillat (she of the 2007 hit Bubbly) is hyping her new album (Breakthrough, out Aug. 25) on the cover of an upcoming Archie comic. We all know that Archie and Veronica are getting hitched soon; that was big news a few months ago. But in this ish, it's Betty, his ex, who brings Archie, who should be with Veronica, to a Colbie Caillat concert. The pop star pulls Arch onstage, and flirtation ensues. So basically, Archie is cheating on two chicks, which, to be totally honest, might be good for him. He needs to mix it up more.

Anyway, here's the cover of the Sept. 15 ish. And here's a story about it. I'm not sure if this is the best way to hype a new album, but it sure is clever, huh?

Ashley Tisdale naked -- almost

Much like free-market capitalism and the works of James Joyce, High School Musical's Ashley Tisdale is a great polarizing force. You bash her; I celebrate the 24-year-old's moxie and spirit. Her new album, Guilty Pleasure, comes out July 28, and I will approach it as a work of art, a piece of her soul.

In related news, here she is in a skimpy bathing suit.

Madonna, Whitney, Mariah to throw down in bloodbath

Not since MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch has there been a fight so brutal. (Do you remember that show? Claymation, lots of blood, totally offensive in every way? Anyway...)

Madonna, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey are all scheduled to release their new albums this September. This could be a total coincidence, but as a professional skeptic, I have to call shenanigans on that thought. I imagine this is a total ego contest. One of them is going to come out on top, thereby solidifying her place in the Diva Hall of Fame that exists solely in her head.

This makes me wonder... who would win in an ACTUAL fight?

Let's discuss.

Madonna
Things to consider: Cone bra, Kabbalah, faux British accent, scary yoga arms, scary yoga thighs, leotards, Britney Spears.

Whitney Houston
Things to consider: Crack is wack, Waiting to Exhale, Bobby Brown, Bobbi Kristina, Kevin Costner.

Mariah Carey
Things to consider: Ice cream cart, body shimmer, high C that opens garage doors, the ghost of Old Dirty Bastard.

Hmm... I think I give the edge to Madonna. What do you think?

-- Stephanie Hayes, your guest blogger who could take them all!

P.S. - CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH!

Celebrity Deathmatch - MTV Shows

Photo: AP

'D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)': New Jay-Z song tells good pals Kanye West, T-Pain to get real

This isn't the best Jay-Z track ever, but it sure is a ballsy one. From the rapper's upcoming Blueprint III, D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune) takes a swipe at such good pals as Kanye West, Will.i.am and T-Pain, major abusers of Auto-Tune, the pitch-correction processor that robotizes voices. (Remember Cher's Believe? Like that.) Expect rebuttals, hurt feelings, Kanye moying, etc.

Reinvention, rebel yells and the art of the chug: Kid Rock, Lynyrd Skynyrd and YOU

It looms on the concert calendar like a call to arms.

This Saturday at Ford Amphitheatre: Kid Rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Oh yeah, this show is special.

This sucker is deep.

This one is us.

Look in the mirror, Tampa Bay: This gig will have beer and bongs and bikinis and more beer. Confederate flags will flutter in the same breeze as rap music; hip-hop fans will high-five Joe Six-Pack. Florida natives will mingle with transplants from the Midwest — much as Jacksonville’s Lynyrd Skynyrd will take a stage with Michigan’s Kid Rock.

Look familiar?

The show will be hot. It’ll be hairy. It’ll be really, really LOUD.

Just like you. Yes, you.

In a classic-rocking town where Eddie Money could run for mayor, this show is like the arrival of ape-draped royalty.

Not so much a melting pot as a melting keg, the local crowd will mix the employed and the jobless, pickups and Porsches. And everyone will cut loose together on a Saturday that’s been circled on our autographed Hooters calendar for weeks.

Speaking of which: Kid Rock is famous for bringing strippers onstage. Dude is all about gentlemen’s clubs and...well, you know where I’m going with that.

On Saturday, hollers for "Freebird!" will be earnest and, alas, they will be answered. And when our unofficial Florida anthem is played — If I leave here tomorrow . . . — the shed will light up with Bics and BlackBerrys, tradition and today.

There might be a fistfight or two, and the cops will be lurking. But for the most part, the vibe, of the show and the crowd, will be loose, fun, sexy — as if we’re all on vacation, as if we live in a tourist wonderland.

What’s your name, little girl?

What’s your name?

There are bigger concerts coming to town this year: Kenny Chesney, U2, Green Day. But Saturday’s is different. This show is about reinvention, rebel yells, remixes. It is about the art of the chug, of the inhale.

In other words, Tampa Bay, they’re playing your song.

****

"This show is great for our community" says David Harb, the general manager at Ford Amp. The 40-year-old is also a muckety with Live Nation, the concert and events company. But more than that, Harb is a native, raised in St. Pete and running one of the major venues in Tampa.

Harb sees the Kid-Skynyrd bill as a natural fit for our town and our times. "This is the biggest little city you’ll ever live in," says Harb. "It’s cosmopolitan, but at the same time, that Old Florida feel still exists. There’s just a great balance here. There’s nowhere else like it."

Rickey Medlocke, guitarist for Skynyrd and an 18-year resident of Fort Myers, agrees. "There’s a cool vibe about a show here, it’s about that hometown vibe," he tells me. "You’ll have fans from all walks of life: cowboys, motorcyclists, gold-chain hip-hop guys. But the common denominator is music, rock and roll."

Saturday’s show also runs "across our radio dial," says Harb: rock, country, hip-hop, pop. "The people coming for Skynyrd and Kid? Some of ’em came for No Doubt, too."

When Skynyrd broke big in the ’70s, Ronnie Van Zant & Co. waved the Battle Flag and let Neil Young know a "Southern Man don’t need him around anyhow." But over time, Skynyrd, while still capable of throaty jingoism, has become a party band, hollering for shaggy independence, turn-it-up freedoms.

Spring break and Skynyrd — a match made at Shephard’s.

"We now have three generations of fans watching the show," says Medlocke, referring to Skynyrd Nation, a song on the band’s upcoming album, God & Guns. "You can be hip-hop to the max, but you still know Sweet Home Alabama."

Kid Rock was once a Motor City street punk named Bob Ritchie. He was a rapper, a Run DMC disciple. But he’s gone from Midwestern MC — Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars / Get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars — to Southern transplant, Devil Without a Cause to Rock N Roll Jesus.

One of us, one of us.

"My dad used to pay me to collect apples," Rock told London’s Daily Mail. "But from the moment I heard rap I didn’t want to be in the orchard any more. I wanted to be a hip-hop DJ in Detroit." But now, he says: "My songs still seem to relate to working-class people. If you ever wanted to rob a trailer park, do it during a Kid Rock concert."

In 2007, Rock scored a hit that blended Michigan memories with the hook of Skynyrd's Sweet Home Alabama, a merging of new school and old, North and South. The song was a No. 1 smash — escapist fare perfect for a beach day — and it especially sounded good here:

Catching walleye from the dock / Watching the waves roll off the rocks / She'll forever hold a spot inside my soul / We'd blister in the sun / We couldn't wait for night to come /To hit that sand and play some rock and roll.

The song is All Summer Long. And when they play that Saturday, look for Tampa Bay to sing louder than anywhere else.

After all, it's all ours.

Pyromania Deluxe: Def Leppard 1983 classic gets remixed, remastered, rerocked

Def Leppard
Album: Pyromania: Deluxe Edition (Island/Mercury)
In stores: Tuesday, June 23
Why we care: Back in ’83, when Def Leppard was king and its drummer still had two arms, rock radio (not to mention a relatively fresh phenomenon called MTV) was overrun by the flaming hits of Pyromania. Produced by Robert “Mutt” Lange, whose isolated guitar riffs and lumbering drums helped break AC/DC, the album charted big, fat head-banging goodness: Photograph, Foolin’, Rock of Ages. It was style over substance — and it sure defined that magical decade.
Why we like it: This special ’luxe treatment gives you the remastered album plus a full, shaggy live show from ’83, which features a surprise appearance from Queen’s Brian May. (1992's Adrenalize has also been spiffed up, this one with B-sides, covers and live cuts.)
Reminds us of: Def Leppard, Poison and Cheap Trick play Tampa's Ford Amphitheatre on Aug. 14 (TICKETS)
Download this: Travelin’ Band (w/May) (LISTEN)
Grade: A

And now...FIVE BEST DEF LEPPARD SONGS!!
5. Bringin' on the Heartbreak (1981) (VIDEO)
4. Stagefright (1983)
3. Photograph (1983) (VIDEO)
2. Foolin' (1983)  (VIDEO)
1. Hysteria (1987) (VIDEO)

Hannah Montana's Mitchel "Smokin' Oaken" Musso to play State Theatre in St. Pete Sept. 20

Mitchel Musso, the kid who plays Oliver on Hannah Montana, has emerged from puberty a scampy, mop-topped singer. (Of course he has. That's the Disney Channel way. If they're cute, get 'em a microphone.) In vids for his self-titled debut album, the kid seems a little too big for his britches, a little too cocky. But appropriately enough, my 5-year-old loves him. So maybe, just maybe, I'll take her to Mitchel Musso's show at St. Pete's intimate State Theatre on Sunday, Sept. 20. Don't worry, moms and dads: Doors are at 5, the show starts at 6. Tickets -- which go on sale Saturday, June 20 at 10 a.m. -- are $18 in advance, $20 day of the show. You can buy your tickets right here or at Daddy Kool's in downtown St. Pete.

Hate Mail! Chickenfoot review has loyal reader taking aim, action

Sean:

I have got to tell you: Your review today finally proved to me while I will be canceling my subscription after 27 years.

I am 55 years old, a successful businessman, who doesn't have a lot of time to listen to music on the radio or Internet. So it was of great interest to me when I opened the paper this morning and saw an almost half-page review of "Chickenfoot" whom I have not heard yet.

You are a music reviewer, right? So where is the review? How many songs? What type of tempos? No, you spend almost the entire article hammering the musicians. "It's hard to hate on a merry band of millionaires jamming just for the fun of it"? What has that got to do with the music? Anyways, good luck to you, Sean. I actually feel sorry for you to be under so much pressure from the paper to be negative.
 
Sammy and Mike snap: Associated Press