The Sweebles Playlist

My grandmother, Gladys Daly, was 98 when she died. This was a few years ago. She was in bed, happily watching her favorite TV show: Desperate Housewives. She left us during a commercial break...but I still blame Teri Hatcher. Anyway, Grandma was a hoot, a true original. When asked what her secret to longevity was — and for her last eight years, someone was always asking — she usually went with “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” But once, sitting at the head of the Thanksgiving table, she whispered a different answer altogether: sweebles. We nodded our heads in understanding. Of course! Sweebles! It all makes sense! 

Based on the German word for onion (zwiebel), Grandma's sweeble recipe is a major staple at a Daly Thanksgiving (never mind that we're all Irish). Before sticking the turkey in the oven, you place Vidalia onions, chopped in half, in the bottom of the pan. Add a cup of water or chicken broth. Salt and pepper those suckers, then cook 'em with the turkey drippings for three to four hours. How do you know when your sweebles are done? When you gently press on one...and the sweet, gooey center rockets out! Huzzah! It’s like a toy and a treat! So if you want to live a long life — or at least have a yummy holiday feast — may I suggest the humble sweeble? And don't forget all those other delicious Turkey Day dishes, too, found here on this festive food playlist:

Turkey Dinner, Green Day
Sweet Potato, Cracker
Know Your Onion!, the Shins
Cornbread, Fish and Collard Greens, Anthony Hamilton
Fruit Salad, the Wiggles
It’s All Gravy, Christina Milian
Buttermilk Biscuits, Sir Mix-a-Lot
Cherry Pie, Warrant
Whipped Cream, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass
Whiskey and Wine, 311

'Aunt Bunny is comin' to get me!' Eddie Murphy leads list of best comedy albums

 

I was 13 years old in 1983. And in lieu of having anything remotely interesting to say, I basically just regurged lines from Eddie Murphy's Comedian ("Now that's a fire!") and the five other comedy albums I knew by heart. LOTSA LAFFS RIGHT HERE.

The Changing Table Playlist

Dear Busch Gardens,

I recently took my daughters to your theme park. We were having a swell time with your rides and attractions — until I had to take my youngest, apparently the victim of too much popcorn, to the restroom, a men’s room to be exact. Mai-Mai is 21 months old, which means (1) she still wears a diaper but (2) she fills that diaper as if she were a midsized African elephant, an animal with which you’re quite familiar. So imagine my surprise, Busch Gardens, when I discovered that your diaper changing table in said lavatory was not only wobbly (Mai-Mai thought it was another ride -- wee!) but that it was, inexplicably, a solid 15-yard touchdown strike from the nearest trash receptacle.

So as Mai-Mai, in my left hand, tested the not-so-strength of your changing table — boing! boing! — I pondered the ghastly diaper bomb in my right hand. My options were scant: (1) Heave ho the Huggie, a perilous toss to the ridiculously far trash can to be sure or (2) drop the diaper to the ground, which I did. Alas, upon hitting the floor, the elephantine diaper flapped open, revealing the horror to a father and son, who recoiled as if faced with an army of flesh-eating zombies. I then put Mai-Mai down so I could deal with the offending diaper; my youngest daughter instantly woddled to a urinal and started splashing around -- wee!

In closing, Busch Gardens, this playlist is for you:

Changes, David Bowie
Diaper, Meat Puppets
Blow Out, Radiohead
Hot Mess, Ashley Tisdale
That Smell, Lynyrd Skynyrd
Wiggle Wiggle, Bob Dylan
Move It on Over, Hank Williams
Daddy’s Girl, Peter Cetera
Throwing It All Away, Genesis
Baby Elephant Walk, Henry Mancini

Pick a new dumb column costume for SD!

If you ever wonder what happens to your keen playlist suggestions and related audience participation, you should know that a lot of it winds up in the Sunday paper. Sure, I take all the credit, thus bamboozling loyal reader Madge in Clearwater into thinking I'm some sort of pop-culture savant. (Madge, it should be noted, also thinks "cats are just like people.") But I do appreciate each and every one of you.

Anyway, Sunday's Pop Life column in the Floridian section of the St. Pete Times is where you guys usually show up. It's art-designed by my genius friend Girl Thursday (aka Holly Ringwald) and copy edited/policed by my brilliant pal Dawn. I hope you guys get a chance to see the real ink-on-paper deal sometime. It's a great-looking page. Alas, the Web version of the column isn't very nice at all. But here you go anyway: the Cracker Barrel Playlist (I like the final version a lot better actually), the most melodic TV 'toons (a little different than the blog one) and the Glee soundtrack. CHECK IT OUT.

By the way, it's getting time to shoot more of these nutty column shots. We're looking for costume ideas, so let 'er rip. You know me: There's not much I WON'T wear, mantyhose included. Whatever you suggest, I'm sure Halloween Queen Stephanie Hayes has in her zany closet at home.

The Best 'Toon Tunage: Phineas and Ferb, South Park, the Simpsons, Merrie Melodies

 

When you’re the father of two wee daughters — ages five and 21 months to be exact — the process of accepting their incessant “car music” comes in three stages:

(1) I bet the Jonas Brothers can’t throw a football.

(2) If Miley Cyrus were my daughter, that would make me Billy Ray Cyrus, which would make me cry a great deal.

(3) Okay, fine, maybe Dora the Explorer shouldn’t be tied to the outside of the space shuttle.

You eventually get used to the songs, singing along with your brood solely as a matter of self-preservation. But there’s rarely genuine enjoyment involved. That’s what makes the music of Phineas and Ferb, the Disney Channel’s No. 1 animated series for kids six to 14, such a revelation. The story of two inventive brothers, an exasperated older sis and a pet platypus named Perry (who’s also a secret agent), Phineas and Ferb blends sly humor, slapstick -- and some of the best ’toon tunage in TV history. (Gitchee Gitchee Goo is pure power-pop goodness.)

It also got me thinking of 10 other great televised ’toons that consistently mastered melody far beyond having a catchy theme song. Feel free to sing along:

Merrie Melodies (1931-1969) Nothing makes me laugh harder than Bugs Bunny calling that sinister square dance for those warring hillbillies. “Grab a fencepost, hold it tight /Womp your partner with all your might!”

Spongebob Squarepants (1999-?) Surrealism has never been so catchy. “The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the tiiime.” When Spongie comes on my iPod, I rarely skip ahead.

The Simpsons (1989-?) Wow, where to start with the Springfield spoofery? How about Flaming Moe’s, Lisa It’s Your Birthday and The Monorail Song. Oh, and Rock Me, Dr. Zaius.

South Park (1997-?) Thei nfamouscombo platter of R. Kelly, Tom Cruise and Trapped in the Closet helped Matt Stone and Trey Parker score an Emmy nom.

The Flintstones (1960-1966) Remember the Bedrock Twitch? “When you get an itch, you do the Twitch, in Bedrock! Twitch! Twitch!”

The Jackson 5ive (1971-1973) Okay, this is a bit of cheat, as the songs were already album cuts — and the animation was crappy. But it proved that cartoon madcappery is instantly made cooler when soundtracked by MJ & Co.

Schoolhouse Rock! (1973-1985, 1993-1999) Three Is a Magic Number, Conjunction Junction, Lolly Lolly Lolly Get Your Adverbs Here — all written by the saintly Bob Dorough for ABC’s great edu-snippets. You’d be surprised (or not) at how often I still rely on those songs.

Family Guy (1999-2002, 2005-?) Seth MacFarlane creeps me out. But songs a la Everything Is Better With a Bag of Weed are a twisted brand of genius.

The Peanuts Holiday Specials (1965, 1966, 1973) Not only is it the greatest ’toon tune, but Vince Guaraldi’s Linus and Lucy is jazz piano perfection — and an instant mood-enhancer.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966) The correct lyrics for Welcome Christmas? “Fah who foraze! Dah who doraze! Welcome Christmas! Come this way!”

The Cracker Barrel Playlist

I'm obsessed with Cracker Barrel. Not just the death-defying Farmer's Breakfast (sausage patties, please, and hashbrown casserole instead of those horrific fried apples) or that confounding peg game that makes me feel like a dumbass. Or even the fact that my daughters turn into jelly-hurling demons whenever we eat there. I'm all about the Barrel's store, too, stuffed as it is with old-timey candy, road games that 21st century kids scoff at and great gobs of God-fearing, straight-down-the-middle music: Dolly Parton, Alabama, Kenny Rogers, hymns galore. I'm on the Barrel's media contact list, and they just sent me an Alan Jackson hits disc plus a full catalogue of Barrel-sponsored Alan Jackson regalia (cowboy hats, shirts, mugs, skillets, etc.). It's a sweet marketing deal for the country singer -- the man knows his audience for sure. Plus it got me thinking: Maybe Cracker Barrel is the Last American Music Store, affordable tunes for mobility on Route 66, down-home hits as a source of freedom and expansion and that trip to see the grandkids. I dunno. There might be something there. Or maybe I just sprinkled too much peyote on my grits.

In the meantime, let's do a little playlisting, a little somethin' for breakfast on this fine Tuesday. All things Cracker Barrel: the food, the clientele, those rocking chairs. And don't forget the 37 biscuits they provide with every meal. 

Breakfast in America -- Supertramp
Old Man -- Neil Young
Dancing Across the USA -- Lindsey Buckingham
Peg -- Steely Dan
Keep on the Sunny Side -- Doc Watson
The Rocking Chair -- Beautiful South
Burnt Biscuits -- Booker T. and the MGs
Ham N Eggs -- A Tribe Called Quest
Heart Attack -- Olivia Newton-John
Route 66 -- Chuck Berry
Drivin' on 9 -- the Breeders
Roll Out the Barrel -- Bobby Vinton
Sweet Thistle Pie -- Cracker

The Stephen King Playlist

 

After four weeks of counting down the grisliest, ghouliest Halloween hits, I was ready to move on to a brighter, happier playlist. The Baby Feet Playlist, perhaps. Or maybe the Puffy Unicorn Stickers Playlist. But then I received the most awesome PR email in the history of PR emails. On Nov. 16, in a rare public appearance, Stephen King will speak at Sarasota’s Van Wezel Hall. You can go to http://www.vanwezel.org for tickets, and read all about it in the Critics Circle blog. But make sure to save a ticket for me. Along with Mark Twain and John Irving, King is my preferred man of letters, a populist with vampire fangs. It shouldn’t have taken late-career endorsements by The New Yorker and lit critics to confirm his standing, but the more the merrier, I guess. I always tell new King readers to start with Misery and Night Shift; save The Stand for the long, hot summer of your 16th year. Anyway, let’s celebrate the arrival of the macabre master, whose new novel, Under the Dome, will be published on Nov. 10. I used the Ramones’ Pet Sematary for our Halloween rundown, but here are 10 other cuts nodding to King novels. See ya in Sarasota, Constant Readers.

Christine Sixteen, Kiss
Talisman, the Guess Who
Miss Misery, Elliott Smith
Firestarter, the Prodigy
Tower of Song, Leonard Cohen
Carrie, Europe
Desperation Samba, Jimmy Buffett
Stand, R.E.M.
From a Buick 6, Bob Dylan
The Shining, Badly Drawn Boy

PODCAST! Guilty Pleasure Songs of the '80s (or why is John "Staying Alive" Travolta so oily?)

Aww yeah, a little something for the ladies. Soak it in, my sisters. Just the thing to kickstart your Tuesday: a lubed-up Johnny T. You can thank me later -- or after you listen to this week's Stuck in the '80s show, which is all about the Guilty Pleasure Songs of that magical decade. Our deranged listeners picked the Top 10 doozies that make you wanna holler...and roll up your car windows so no one can hear your shame. Naturally, Frank Stallone's resiliently rocking Far From Over is on there; that was the title track from Saturday Night Fever sequel Staying Alive, which somehow used more body oil than a Jenna Jameson movie. We discuss that cultural wrinkle, and all the other fine things in life, on a show that must be heard. LISTEN! LEARN! LUBE! 

The Ultimate Halloween Playlist: The Top 10

 

Here you go, boys and graverobbers, the finale to our Ultimate Halloween Playlist. I’m lovin’ all 40 cuts on the countdown, although there were two tough omissions. Loyal Pop Life reader Bill S. made repeated pleas to get Vanilla Fudge’s Season of the Witch included. Alas, I couldn’t squeeze it in. But if you live in Pasco, Bill promises to set up speakers outside his house and crank the ’68 creepfest for brave trick-or-treaters. That’s the evil spirit, Bill! Also, the fantastically named Vic Mizzy died this week. The Brooklyn songwriter was 93. Don’t know the Miz? He wrote two classic TV themes: Green Acres and...The Addams Family. Not sure why Gomez and Morticia’s finger-snappin’ fun didn’t make our list. But hey, if you’re building your own party soundtrack, feel free to swap it in for, say, Christina Aguilera’s Candyman, which readers really didn’t appreciate. Of course, we all agree on the Top 10, right? Happy Halloween, kids.

10 Time Warp, the cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show
9 Weird Science, Oingo Boingo
8 This Is Halloween, Danny Elfman
7 The Twilight Zone Theme, Marius Constant
6 Werewolves of London, Warren Zevon
5 Bela Lugosi’s Dead, Bauhaus
4 I Put a Spell on You, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins
3 Halloween Theme: Main Title, John Carpenter
2 Monster Mash, Bobby “Boris” Pickett and the Crypt Kickers
1 Thriller, Michael Jackson

To recap the Ultimate Halloween Playlist, here are Nos. 40-31 and Nos. 30-21 and Nos. 20-11. 

Here's MTV's Halloween Playlist

 

As we put the finishing touches on the Ultimate Halloween Playlist -- stay tuned for the Top 10 -- here's a rundown of MTV's top haunted videos. I can honestly say I didn't even think of putting Rihanna's Disturbia on our list of 40 songs; same with Jibbs' King Kong (wha???). They have Ray Parker Jr. in the No. 4 slot; but our list is so damn cool, Mr. Ghostbusters could only muster No. 33. Anyway, to watch all of MTV's spooky spots, GO HERE.