No blinking Rudolphs but bad sweaters none the less

Everyone has gotten at least one ugly sweater for the holidays. The one that is so indescribably tacky that you put it on once to show your grandma that you really like it but took it off and buried it and salted the earth five minutes later. What better way to capitalize upon these instruments of bad fashion then to hold parties featuring them? That's what the Bishop and Push thought to do. While there weren't as many sweaters as we would have liked at either event, there were a few that deserved mention and photographic documentation.

DJ Fresh, DJ T-Quest and Brian Kelly all struck up a pose as they showed off their fuzziness. In case you're wondering, Fresh is wearing a 12 days of Christmas sweater that is all sorts of horrid.

I can haz bad sweater? Sorry, the puppies and kittens on the sweaters that Christina Rizleris and Vanessa Martinez are wearing make me instantly think of Lolcats. I just need to get a Ceiling Cat sweater and I'll be all set.

In my opinion, Michelle McCaw wins for the ugliest sweater, ladies division. It's not just the fact that the sweater vest is absolutely atrocious, it's that it all matches. All the way down to her Chucks! That takes dedication!

Michelle may be the winner for the females but she has nothing on Joshua Reed. Together with Trevor Bennett and John Brown he set a new standard for creepy sweaters. The fact that he's physically fit only adds to the hilarity of seeing him in a midriff-baring sweater top. The earrings are just icing on the cake!

Of course, that's not all of them. Make sure to check out the rest of the laughably bad sweaters!

Party away those Holiday blues with a wild weekend.

Christmas is almost upon us and you have only one more good weekend to make sure you get your name on Santa's naughty list. Thankfully, I've got some ideas to make sure you get the most out of this weekend.

Enjoy their show, but read our reviews

Chances are you've heard of REAX, Tampa Bay's local music magazine. While we think they're no match for our own music critic, Sean Daly, they are a good read for all the lowdown on local music. Tonight (12/18), they're hosting its free reader appreciation party over at New World Brewery. With four local mystery bands playing, it may seem like a bit of a gamble, but given that they are a music magazine, you can expect their choices of bands will good.

The Sports Party Animal

If you're more into the hip-hop scene, Ian Beckles of 620 AM is hosting his second annual Christmas party tonight (12/18) at Lime . It's a naughty or nice theme but I imagine there aren't going to be too many people taking advantage of the "nice" part. Regardless of how you dress, the music spun by DJ Homewrecker will be a mix of the best old and new-school hip-hop to keep everyone on the dance floor until the night is over.

We're so horn-y

Believe it or not, Tropicana Field is hosting a college bowl game Saturday aptly titled the St. Petersburg Bowl. It's not the most important college game of the year (7-5 USF vs. 6-6 Memphis) but it does make a good excuse to hold some block parties like the one going on Friday (12/19) on Central Avenue in St. Petersburg. Make sure to leave any blue and gray at home. You don't want to accidentally mistaken for a Memphis Tigers fan and cause a riot.

Beats the office party

Out in the Ybor area, there are two parties really getting into the spirit of the season with their own unique way. The Hallucination Before Christmas at Czar on Saturday (12/20) is going to feature some great electro music by various artists while also doing a canned food drive to help out those in need around the bay.

Meanwhile, at Crowbar it's the Ghetto Christmas Party the same night but will be a little more rock with the punk/ska band Full Fledged Unit playing. Honestly, both are good choices and it just depends on how you're feeling that night.

There's always room for u-g-l-y

Sometimes getting prepared to go out can be a chore. Finding the hippest clothes and trying to look your best is a pain to do night after night. Lucky for us, the Bishop is having their Ugly Sweater Party tonight and Push is having their own party on Sunday (12/21). It's simple really: Break out that sweater with glowing reindeer that your grandma got you and get half off all your drinks. Plus, if you have the ugliest sweater in the bar, you win yourself a huge bar tab. If there was ever an excuse to be caught wearing a Cosby sweater, it's this.

No wonder he's the jolly old elf!

Christmas time is almost here and there's a lot of cool stuff going on before the holidays hit and you have to spend extended periods of time with the family.

Ho, Ho, Whoa!!

Let's face it, Santa kind of looks like a drunk: A fat guy with a long unkempt beard, not to mention those rosy red cheeks and nose. I'm not the only one who thinks this either. The 8th Annual Santa Pub Crawl is hitting Ybor City Friday (12/12). Just imagine hundreds of people dressed in bright red suits stumbling down Seventh Avenue with tie-on beards pushed to the side in order to suck down some more booze. Of course, it's all for charity and should not be taken seriously. Make sure to check out the video the guys who run the event put together to advertise. If they can be that silly and weird sober, just imagine them drunk!

Study or just stare

Have you ever been interested in trying to be an artist but don't know how to even start? Art Pool has set up an event to help you out with the inspiration. At The Foundation Show on Friday (12/12) you will see the finished product from the artist but also all the steps that they took to get there. It should be interesting to see the complete process an artist has to go through to create a piece and should be a good inspiration for aspiring artists. Then on Saturday (12/13), they're also having a holiday/craft/garage sale at Art Pool. So if you have any artistic people on your list for Christmas, this should be on your schedule to hit up.

Lookin' good

For all you fashionistas out there, Rigged Out in Tampa at Czar on Saturday (12/13) is sure to offer the height of hip fashion. It's hosted by Parisa of The L-Word, so you know it's going to be sexy. Given how Czar events usually are, expect this to be the the place to see and be seen this weekend.

Which list are you on?

If you're looking for the weird and wild, stop by the Garage on Friday (12/12). The Naughty or Nice show is going to have some dark, burlesque performances by local Florida burlesque star, Minnie Vicious. Imagine a 50's Vargas pin-up girl. Make her flesh and blood and you have Minnie Vicious. I've seen a lot local performers trying to capture the aesthetic of pin-ups but none have been able to do it as masterfully as Minnie Vicious.  While this is considered a fetish event, don't get it confused with those fetish clubs in Pinellas. This is more of the equivalent of seeing a saucy dance performance. On the weird side, the first 50 people in the door get a paddle. Yes, like the ones you'd see teachers use to spank kids.

Say, can you spare a kidney?

I would rarely call a movie a real "event" but when it's a musical about body part repossession with lots of blood and gore and Sarah Brightman, I whole-heartedly recommend it! Repo! A Genetic Opera was directy by Darren Lynn Bousman, also the director of Saw, so you can expect the same type of vicious violence that from that film but with a more tongue-in-cheek manner. That said, leave the kiddies at home for this one.

For those of you who don't know anything about this film, it involves a futuristic world where a bio-tech corporation owns people's vital organs. Those who can't make the payments on their body parts are marked for repossession. Did I mention this is a musical and it also stars Paris Hilton, Anthony Stewart Head of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame and Ogre from the industrial music group, Skinny Puppy? What a lineup!

There's already a good cult following for this film and for the Tuesday (12/8) night showing the loyal fans will be be making an appearance and creating some mischief. Not only will there be people in the street performing, but there will also be a pre-show performance on stage. In addition, the film is one of the more unique films to hit theaters this year. And any excuse to go to the Tampa Theatre is a good excuse.

Check out the trailer if you still need convincing of how utterly awesome it looks. I feel a cult classic in the vein of Rocky Horror in the making.

Art, punk and some pain for Batman

Now that Black Friday has come and gone, everyone should have that need to hit the stores and shop like crazy out of their system. So replace it with a need to hit up all these events and party like madmen. It's a similar experience, but at least you won't be fighting with 60-year-old woman over the last Elmo Live.

We :::heart::: art

The art scene has definitely been on the upswing this year with a lot of groups trying to make art galleries the place to be. For the most part, they've succeeded and made an art showing a viable alternative to another night at an Ybor City bar. Virgin 2.0 at the Ritz on Saturday (12/6) could be the biggest one yet. With the typical indie artists from around the Bay present, there will also be a fashion show, a performance by the odd, but entertaining, Jeremy Gloff and a rhythmic yoga demonstration. It's got a mix of all the eccentricity that makes Tampa Bay so unique. It definitely could be the best art event of the year (I'll save my judgment on that for after) and you can assume the this will be scenester central, so make sure your clothes are hip and chic.

Three words: Live break dancing

Over on the Pinellas side, the Artist's Invasion is at Williams Park on Friday (12/5). I imagine that Williams Park will be completely over run with new Bohemians while this festival takes place. A variety of different bands with totally different styles will be there, including the Jim Morey Band, Extinction of Man and Tribal Style. Also, there will be live break dancing. I don't think that there's anything more retro-hip than break dancing (I tried to learn when I was a kid and ended up looking like I was having seizures). This is a definite catch-all event with something that will please anyone who shows up. With Virgin 2.0 you get to enjoy two great art shows this weekend if you choose to go out!

The horror!

Break out your black eyeliner and skull patches because the Misfits are in town at Jannus Landing on Friday (12/5). While they're no longer the huge sensation they once were, they're still a decent show to catch, especially if you've never seen them live before. They exist as one of those bands that you should see before you die just because of their phenomenal impact that they had on underground music culture as a whole. A lot of the bands that exist today, like Wednesday 13, Murderdolls and Rob Zombie, wouldn't be the sensation that are without the influence of the Misfits. Admittedly, they no longer have my personal favorite member (Glen Danzig holds a special place in my heart) but they're still a good reason to be break out the torn clothing and get into the pit. Bonus game: Whoever counts the most Misfits skull tattoos wins a prize.

Rip it up at Reconstruct

If you've got the fashion design bug in your system, it's time for you to try and strut your stuff. Reconstruct at the Tamiami on Saturday (12/6) is all about taking your old clothes and putting them back together in a unique way. Use your imagination and you could possibly walk away with some sort of prize for doing a good job. There aren't any rules except you just need to be creative with those old T-shirts and put them together into something wearable so let your inner artist out and create something chic.

Batman's big bash

Rounding out the weekend events are the monthly First Friday in St. Pete. With the Artist's invasion going on at the same time, it'll be easy to walk back and forth between the two if you need a break from either one. Finally, if you can't get enough of Ybor's own controversial caped crusader, Tampa Bay's Batman will be having his birthday party at the Castle on Saturday (12/6) so you can go and wish him well. If you've had enough of him you'll still get the option entering the raffle to be one of the lucky 22 people who get to paddle him for his birthday. Remember to follow through on your swing.

A night in Soviet Russia

Amber Wilson played double agent for those smart enough to give her the code phrase.

It's hip to be Communist. Furry hats, wool fatigues and red stars are in style right now. Czar in Ybor City has latched on to that vibe and run with it for five years now but it wasn't until Wednesday night (11/26) that they put it all together for their 5-year anniversary party. This wasn't just a Russian theme going on but rather a whole redesign of what Czar is and can be starting right at getting in the door.

A patron waits patiently and salutes as she enters into the Cyberia Lounge area.

Spread through different channels including text messages and e-mail were secret code words to get in the club with discounts or free admission. "Vladimir" was the base code that got you in (They pretty much nixed the use of that one so people could get in). The phrase "The Babushka runs a spa in Chernobyl" got you in at half price while "The spa in Chernobyl is brothel, my friend" got you in for free. All this underground advertising and the promise of a free alcohol area meant the club to be filled with people less than an hour after opening.

This doesn't look any thing like me...

Of course this only got you into the Cyberia lounge area. From there, patrons would have to talk to the bartenders to retrieve their passports in order to journey over the Imperial Ballroom area. As silly as it sounds, the security (all cleverly dressed up as Russian soldiers) enforced the need for the passports and stamps much to the dismay of the few who were too drunk to go along with the gag.

DJ Sirius took a break and guarded the outside path to Imperial Theater

Taking a short journey outside and through back hallways not usually open the public, the visitors to Czar's Russian recreation would finally stumble upon the main dance area. The quest didn't end there because there was still that promise of that hidden room of free vodka. After speaking to the DJ to get your stamp to get some food (plus a free drink!), people were told to find a double agent to get papers to access the interrogation room. It's not quite as easy as it sounds though for a couple reasons:

1. Anyone on staff could be a double agent and they were constantly moving about.
2. Before you found the double agent, you needed to find out the code to tell the double agent.
3. They switched up who played the double agent throughout the night.

If this sounds intense to you, let me assure you that it was. The point was to get people talking though and it did it's job. I got so many people approaching me thinking I was the double agent simply because I had a camera around my neck.

A good interrogator always has duct tape, a flashlight and a bullwhip.

Those few wily enough to get papers were finally treated to the interrogation room and V.I.P. area. Yes, you'd actually be interrogated first. To make it even more fun, live video of the interrogation was broadcast to the Cyberia Lounge for other bar-goers to watch. The reward was worth it though, with a small private lounge complete with it's own DJ and pour-your-own drinks for free.

The raid went on the VIP and Jimmy Sellers forced Dj Sirius to take a break from mixing in the VIP room.

Of course, they couldn't have people just sitting in this room all night, so the security came by periodically and "raided" the room, kicking everyone out and ripping up their papers. This got a lot of people upset but I didn't see any of them leave Czar, but rather they went searching for the new double agent to get new papers.

I've never seen this much work go into an anniversary party for a club. Normally, its just some drink specials and some tacky decorations. Czar went all out and I've got to hand it to Sandy Heim and the workers there for putting on one of the best and unique parties that Ybor has ever seen. Czar's version of the Motherland may not have been accurate or serious, but it was entertaining and one of my most memorable experiences of going out to date.

An epic World Series worthy party!

It's that time of year again to break out your disgusting or sexy costumes and to go patrol the streets of Ybor City for beads. If you're in the mood for debauchery and wild celebration on the streets this Saturday (10/25), then make sure to head down to Ybor. Guavaween is back and with the Rays in the World Series, you can be sure this will be one of the biggest ones yet. If you've never been to Guavaween, you're missing out. It's a Tampa Bay tradition that you go and live it up on the streets. Make sure you have a reliable ride though as it's not a tradition to have to walk home on Nebraska Avenue like I did my first year. Make sure to check out some photos of the past Guavaween events to get yourself prepared!

Monster Mash

If you're looking for a different kind of wild, check out The Freaker's Ball: House of the Headless Hinson at Skipper's on Friday (10/24). Unknown Hinson will be performing, and though you may recognize him as an undead hillbilly vampire, he also did voice work for the Adult Swim show, Squidbillies.  There will also be a costume contest so make sure to dress to impress!

Frighteningly fun

If you're planning on going as a hipster/scenster kid for Halloween, the place to be as at The Faint at Jannus Landing on Friday (10/24). If you haven't heard of this band, know that they are quite possibly one of the best and most original groups that you're likely to see in your lifetime and their music inspires you to get up and dance. I saw them a few years back and was so sore leaving because I danced for their entire set. It's one of those few bands that I can say I like every single one of their songs. Just make sure to wear tight clothing and put in your piercings for the night.

You won't be bored

The next night you might find some of the same folks at The Board Meeting at St. Pete's Finest Skate Shop in this Saturday (10/25). No, it's not a gathering of executives but rather a clever play on words to show that it's all about skateboarding sub-culture art. One of the great things about shows like this is that it's all about appreciating art styles of all kinds. Painted boards are the common canvas here and it's nice to see how people use the medium to express their thoughts.  If you want to appreciate some culture this weekend, this is the place to be.

Oh yeah, go Rays!

Of course, there's also nothing wrong with hitting up Ferg's on Saturday (10/25) to see the Rays kick some tail in Philly this weekend. We all know they're going to win but it's still fun to go cheer on the home team on their way to the World Series Championship!

Keep them screaming for more

This Friday (10/17), I had the opportunity to travel to Orlando to see some of the horrific sights of Spooky Empire's Halloween Horror Weekend. I mainly wanted to check out the massive zombie walk of over 500 people going on for the start. I can assure you that it was utter madness and I've never seen that much fake blood being thrown around in my whole life.

Wherever there are zombies, there are going to be those who want to destroy them. A group called Z.E.D. (Zombie Emergency Defense) was on patrol for the whole walk. They even barricaded the doors to the hotel but were brutally slaughtered by the shambling hordes. This, of course, was all acting but it still looked pretty gruesome.

Taking a cue from Fido, Justin Mashburn holds Lindsey Mann at bay while she struggles with the neck restraint. Of course, when there's hundreds of zombies on the loose, what good is it to restrain just one?


Aaron Stanton as a giant gorilla thing with a cane and straw hat. If that doesn't get you to a double-take, I'm not sure what will. I feel bad for him because it was a scorching hot day and he must've been burning up under all that fur.

This is scary. Everyone knows mimes are freaky, but mimes who eat flesh? That's a different level all together. Tracy Abrahams and Carina Mattis managed to have the scariest costumes to me because they had the idea and stuck to it. I didn't hear them utter one word to anyone while they were there.

Possibly another So Tampa Bay Pseudo-Celeb, the Boogie Man made his first appearance. Here's the breakdown: Take equal parts Ybor Drag Queen, 70's funk star, Geraldo Rivera and make them undead and you have the most fabulous zombie talk show host to grace Tampa Bay. Being a member of the Deadite Empire, I expect to see lots more of the Boogie Man and his fierce attitude!

Make sure to check out the rest of the bloody action that happened at the zombie walk and check back tomorrow when I'll have the lowdown on the Zombie Fetish Party going on at Pegasus!

Some artistic skating and freaky fandom

How I came out of this weekend with no major injuries is beyond me. I managed to avoid getting maimed by skateboarders on half-pipes and people carrying giant wrenches and ray guns. Alright, the ray guns weren't real but the wrenches looked like they'd hurt!

The Hubbard Brothers set up the Art Gone Bad show and gave themselves their own personal form of censorship. Contrary to what I originally thought, Art Gone Bad wasn't meant to be low-brow art but more underground art from people who wouldn't have a chance to exhibit anywhere else. It's pretty good stuff and might be worth getting into if you're an artist.

Of course while the art was going on, the rest of the skate park was open and had a huge amount of bikers and skateboarders showing off their moves. Here, Chris Lehman shows a Backside Boneless to Fakie. I got to hand it to these guys since I can barely walk down the street without tripping over my shoelaces.

Of course, This was also the weekend of Necronomicon, which featured a steam punk theme this year so people dressed in futuristic Victorian outfits were the norm and the common form of transportation was the jet pack (if only we had those instead of segways)

James Harrod went with a historical approach and that makes it all the more creepy. As he was dressed as a plague doctor and couldn't speak, all his information was given to me by an assistant. This one truly gave me the willies. Especially, those metal-clipped hands.

Giant wrenches were the norm the show. Some more real and some more fake. Wendy Peacock was dressed up as mechanic so it was an obvious addition to her costume. Something about a girl with a gigantic wrench that could be used on no human known bolt is just amazingly sexy.

These guys went all out. Part of a group called Ancient Cities Steampunk, they were some of the best dressed at the show. What's even better is that they had theme as they were apparently a group of vigilante heroes keeping the skies safe from dreaded air pirates. Knowing they're around, I can sleep easy.

Ancient Cities Steampunk may have been the best dressed but Patrick Creel was my favorite. Ghostbusters always hits a soft spot with me and when you have an outfit this great, I feel like a kid again. The proton pack even played the theme song! Apparently, he's a part of group of local Ghostbusters too. I knew that Tampa Bay was an epicenter of paranormal activity!

Sabre McGehee and Les Strawn both had some cool Joker outfits and it was nice to see Sabre giving Cesar Romero some love. What wasn't nice was the fact that I felt for the hand buzzer trick as I shook his hand. As they both laughed maniacally at me, I hung my head in shame and wondered where my dark knight was to save me from this crazy clown menace?

Make sure to check out all the rest of the pictures from Art Gone Bad and Necronomicon!

A messy beginning to October

I love October. It seems like it's the month with the most crazy activities going down in the bay area, and most of them are full of people dressed in outrageous costumes. This weekend I got to see that and more -- as well as get drenched in buckets of slime. Good times! (Okay, boss, can I get hazard pay now?)

I started out Friday (10/3) at First Friday to check out some of the people going to both Against Me! and Apocalyptica, along with some sports fans who came downtown after the Rays game. Here's what struck me as I ambled down Central Avenue with my camera.

I saw uncountable mohawks in St. Pete on Friday, including one on Dan Eckrote. Given the popularity of the newly christened official Rays hairstyle, it won't be long before you see Tampa Bay lawyers and doctors sporting it. As it is, it's gotten popular enough that my 70-plus-year-old grandpa is talking about getting one -- even though he's got the horseshoe pattern baldness. Imagine a mohawk, but just in the back.

Probably the strangest thing I saw on Friday was Sparkle Genera and her roller skates. It's not often you get to to see a woman holding a beer with roller skates draped over her shoulder (careful with that glass, sister!). Take that back: It's not often to see outside of a Derby Darlin's match or Czar's Crisco Roller Disco. Love the pink wheels, though!

After the game, the streets were full of people celebrating after the Rays victory. I caught Kristy Westphal and Brett Hughes making that long trek from the Trop over to the Central Avenue drinking area to continue their throwdown.

***

I won't lie. I was nervous about going to see Gwar at Jannus Landing on Saturday (10/4) with a camera around my neck. If you don't know, they're known for hosing the audience down with slime, so I devised a way to protect my camera with lots of Saran wrap and electrical tape. Thankfully, it worked. So, while I came out dripping with ooze, my camera remained safe and secure so I could show you these pictures.

Andrew Smokler came prepared. He wanted to get slimed but didn't want it in his eyes. He was a very smart man, and Gator Guard security guy Kevin Moore gave him a thumbs up for it. Meanwhile, I cursed him because I hadn't thought of that.

Claire Sayetta, Rachel Koch and Tim Adger proudly show off their clothing that looks like it got doused in Kool-Aid. It's part of a tradition to wear white clothing to a Gwar show to mark how many times you get hit. Doesn't work so well on a black T-shirt, but I can still see some color stains on it from the night's festivities.

This is just one of the many ways the band soaked the audience with goo. There were also decapitations of political figures with enough arterial spray to give Japanese horror movies a run for their money. This cannon is the prime reason I got messed up; I got hit, not once, but twice in face with it. All in all, though, it was a messy good time. I can see why people like to get hit with the slime. Considering the heat and sweaty masses of people, the cool goo was refreshing.

Yes, even Batman was there (albeit sans Robin). If you see him at any more events around the bay, make sure to let us here at So Tampa Bay know. We're trying to keep a watch on his activities, and his presence at Gwar made things all the more curious. His suit must have some sort of slime repellent as he was the cleanest person who exited the concert that night.

Make sure to check out the rest of the photos from the First Friday madness and the wet and sticky Gwar show!

Fashion. Music. Beer. It's your choice.

So Tampa Bay, what is there to do if you want a weekend of fun without the chafing of latex at Fetish Con, but still want to see some wild outfits? Check out the Wearable Art Fashion Show at the Dunedin Fine Arts Center this Saturday (8/16). Any event that has a girl dressed like a mix between a dandelion and a muffler is good in my book.

If music is more your thing, you're in luck. There's a wealth of concerts this weekend with styles for everybody. On Friday (8/15), get your femme indie rock fix with Geri X at The Globe, or you can relive the '90s with Candlebox at Jannus Landing. (Remember them? They sang this song.) Saturday has the '80s metal covered with AC/DC tribute band Highway to Hell at the Largo Cultural Center. Check out this story by tampabay.com's own master of the '80s, Steve Spears. If you want to break out those cowboy boots and 10-gallon hats, Rascal Flatts and Taylor Swift play the Ford Amphitheater on Saturday, and you can scoot over to the after party at the Dallas Bull.

Nothing reminds me more of good old country-western fun than whipped cream shots in the mouth. The Dallas Bull has undergone some significant changes -- you can read all about it here -- even throwing in some hip-hop (sacrilege!). Even if you don't go to the concert, it's the place in Tampa Bay for some boot-scooting boogie.

What if you just want to get totally obliterated on beer? Tank's Tap Room's Beertopia on Saturday is for you. Starting at 2 p.m. and going all the way until 3 a.m., you'll have ample time to sample each and every beer (don't forget the designated driver, people). Throw in a barbecue, Jagermeister girls and a pirogi-eating contest, and you have a mini Oktoberfest stuffed into one day.

[Dallas Bull photo by Luis Santana/tbt*]

Fetish Con '08: Bringing the pain back to Tampa

Click for a gallery from the 2007 Fetish Con.

Tampa may never get an Olympics or a major political convention. But by gum, it’s still got Fetish Con.

For the fifth straight year, Fetish Con, a celebration of all things kink-tacular, is expected to draw more than 2,000 randy conventioneers to downtown Tampa for a series of workshops, parties and leather-clad networking. It’s billed as the largest adult fetish gathering on the East Coast.

Among this year’s sexy, sexy highlights:

• Seminars on wax play, mummification, body casting, pillories and straitjackets, cupping (applying large suction cups to the skin), polyamory, Gorean slave dancing and “How to Meet the Dominant Person of Your Dreams.”
• A demonstration called “Household Sadism,” full of tricks on how to save money on BDSM gear now that the economy’s in the toilet. “What we don’t realize is that the best 'affordable’ BDSM gear is sometimes found at home or designed for home use!” the Fetish Con event schedule says. So true.
• Appearances by models RubberDoll, Velvet Slave, Mizz Fluffy, Mr. Anthropic, JezebelTempting, JoJo Suicide, Bloodbunny, Above Average Arthur, Ghettobutt ... honestly, we could go on all day. The names are just fantastic.
• And, for the first time, a fully equipped dungeon space with “full-time dungeon masters as well as ambient music and lighting.” (Because really, it’s the ambient lighting that makes your dungeon pop. That’s what Paige Davis always says.)

If you work in downtown Tampa, keep an eye out for street-walking conventioneers bound in rubber and plastic. Please say hi and welcome them back to our fair city.

And swing by the Hyatt on your lunch break Friday — you may end up staying all weekend.

The scoop on this year’s ceremonies:
Where: The Hyatt Regency Tampa, 211 N Tampa St., Tampa.
When: Pre-registrees may check in from 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. Thursday; there is a meet and greet party from 6 to 11 p.m. On Friday and Saturday, the registration desk opens at 11 a.m., and the show runs from noon to 8 p.m. On Sunday, the desk opens at 10 a.m. and the show runs from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.
How much: Single-day passes are available for $25, cash only.
After parties: There are two. The first, a military-themed Vamps & Vixens Ball, starts at 10 p.m. Friday at the Hyatt. Admission is $10 with a Fetish Con badge, $15 without. The second is the Fetish Con Fantasy Masquerade Ball, starting at 10 p.m. Saturday. Admission is $10 with a badge, $15 without. And there will be a host of unofficial Fetish Con parties in Ybor City and elsewhere throughout the weekend.
For more info: fetishcon.com

- By Jay Cridlin, Times staff writer. Photo by Luis Santana/tbt* (2007)

Not your grandmother's convention

From the multitudes in black to the incessant meowing by 35-year-old overweight men, I can definitely say this past weekend ranks at the higher levels of my weird-o-meter. With both Convergence 14 and the pre-party for Fetishcon, the weekend was full of everything from sexual innuendo down to outright lewd acts. (I saw performer using a lollipop in fashion that has curbed my desire for anything sweet for at least a month). But I'm not going to be the only one with these images scarred into my brain. I took some photos throughout the weekend that will haunt my nightmares for years to come.

Call me a geek, but I want a pair Thomas Willeford's glasses. Who doesn't want to look like a megalomaniacal evil super genius with a plot for world domination? Amazingly rad stuff and I want a pair. If you do too, check them out here.

As much as I wished it, Eric Krastel would not fall down. I almost wanted to push his friend Stephanie Lipka out of the way so he wouldn't have the support. In fact, the only person who did fall down near me, blamed my flash for it. If he were a good skater, I might be inclined to agree, but when you're hugging the wall for five laps around a rink, don't blame your lack of skill on the photographer's millisecond of flash.

When I saw Danielle Cowan in her bathing suit for the gothic bikini contest, the only thing I could think was the fact that Mary-Anne was far more tan and could never be that pale on that wacky island.

How do you know that a gothic convention was in Tampa Bay? The massive amount of booze and preference of mojitos is a hint. Acid Poptart gets classy by downing some right before the bikini contest. With a name like that though, I'm not really expecting her to act like Mother Theresa.

This was the biggest letdown of the event. The OneFonz was going to jump over a remote controlled shark in a pool. It was just a kiddie pool so I expected it to be kind of funny. Then they took away the pool to make it safer. What a letdown. I can't be too disappointed though, considering he lacked the skill to even make this jump. I'm dead serious. Henry Winkler gives you two thumbs down.

While not scary by itself, Orias Bastet's performance will haunt me for years to come. What started out as wonderful and delightful dance for the Cabaret de Kinque at the Crowbar ended with her being beat down and choked to death on stage (of course it was just theatrics). This was the turning point of the night. Everything else afterward became a little too graphic (for a family newspaper, that is). With all the craziness at the Cabaret, I'm both excited and scared for the upcoming Fetishcon. I hear there's even going to be a BDSM-styled wedding. I'm guessing handcuff instead of rings?

If you want to see some more crazy goth action, click here, or if you want to see the Cabaret de Kinque photos that I was able to and post, click here.

Memoirs of an Otaku

Metrocon 2008 had some great sights to behold and some things that will remain scarred in my memory for the rest of my life. Here are a few of my favorite people I saw as well as some of the most frightening.

If you played either the Phoenix Wright or Apollo Justice games, you know what Brett Gear and Juan Fernandez were trying to get across. The only problem was trying to talk to them without having the urge to yell "Overruled!"

The Princess Mononoke costume that Kirsten Krueger and Kristina Smithman put together was impressive. Kristina looked frighteningly realistic running around as a wolf. Considering she was carrying around Kirsten for a good while though, I really hope that she had a heating pad in her hotel room for her back.

Selling kisses at a dollar a piece?!? Considering the quality of guys at the convention though, Christina Nash probably paid for a semester's worth of college in one day. On a side note: She is 18 surprisingly. I literally checked her ID.

If Mad Max was a doctor instead of a no-holds-barred apocalyptic cop and he wanted to go to a rave, I think he'd show up dressed up like Brett Jamesen.

I admit that I'm a geek. Seeing Patricia Banbuskirk and Adrien Demoret having a light saber duel in the middle of the rave brought back fond memories of when I could say I liked Star Wars and not have to worry about being dateless for the next ten years. In fact, It almost made me take back what I said about glow sticks being uber-lame, but then I saw this...

What's worse than a group of furries dancing? A group of furries rave dancing with glow sticks. Seeing Jynell "Spirit" Wolf, Antony "CB Roo" Urzi and Tim "Valeria" Vige jumping around dancing with their lights will go down as one of the most frighteningly funny things I've seen in Tampa Bay. I even got unintentionally (at least I hope it was!) nuzzled by Jynell's snout while I was getting their information.

If you want to see some more of the crazy photos from Metrocon (including some involving a lot of fire!), check here. Tonight, I'll hopefully drink away the memory of being hugged by a living stuffed animal.

Go, go Power Rangers!

I can't even describe how frightening it is to walk down through Centro Ybor a little tipsy and see this group of misfits lumbering toward me.

Cory Whitman, Robert Abbot and Mark Hull were on their way to Lounge 714 to do some type of performance. (I don't even want to think what the performance was.) The way that Robert moved was truly disturbing -- it felt like a mix between a dinosaur and one of those creepy nurses from "Silent Hill." If Mark didn't have him on a leash, I would've run away screaming from the horror.

I totally give props to the outfits (especially Robert and his blue Stegosaurus get-up) but the tighty-whities on the outside of the jeans makes me think of a 5-year-old imitating Superman.

They bring the noise but absolutely no funk

Ever hear one of those bands that it's so bad, it's funny. If they ever had to elect a president to rule the society of unintentionally funny bands, then it would be Thirsty Moore and the Funk Fakers.You might think this could be a Sonic Youth tribute band, but you'd be dead wrong.

You know you're going to be in for a great night when you can't tell the difference between the sound check and the start of the show.

I went to Uptown Bar and saw these guys perform and my ears immediately felt like they were going to bleed when I walked in because of all the feedback. The lyrics consist of crude sexual jokes that would've been funny in fifth grade, and the music feels like they'd just bought instruments and decided to practice in front of a crowd.

I did find myself laughing the whole night, so I have to give them credit for that. This is one of those bands that has to be heard to be believed, so check out their NSFW MySpace. I personally like the one about the lead singer washing his privates. It's nothing compared to their live show, though, so if you're  looking for a cheap laugh, track 'em down.

Fab fotos from our weekend

This weekend our tampabay.com/tbt* paparazzi snapped away at no less than seven events on both sides of the bay. We've got some highlights.

If we were one of his girlfriends, we'd be just a little bit scared to engage in some deep kissing, but Jake Sell was a hit with his vampire grills at the Cigar City Theater fashion show Vampire's Kiss on Friday night. If you like your nightlife gothic gloomy, you'll love these photos.

The gay boys of St. Pete closed down Saturday's Pride festivities with a Return to Babylon bash at Nova 535. Chad Stephens struck his best porn star pose (and a pouty Justin "Sunshine" Taylor look), but don't be fooled by the tat. It's actually just paint. For totally SFW photos, with a special guest appearance by Kris Doubles of Grand Central Station fame doing his best Brian Kinney impersonation, go here.

We've got to give major props to this amazing ensemble featured at a wild hair and fashion show by the Paul Mitchell School of Tampa and Orlando on Friday night at Floyd's. We'll just say it left us gasping for more. Here's another pic from the same event:

We hope she had Corrine Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On" as she was getting dressed. Revel in the whole weird scene over at our party pics.

No, Christine Bottoms wasn't part of that hair show, but we think she should have been. That is one fierce mass o' ringlets. She was making an appearance at the Art Pool Independent Film Festival in St. Petersburg Saturday night.

We have no idea what this is about at the Honey Pot Thursday night, but we want one for this Friday's July 4th festivities. Monica Rios is one brave bartender, we'll just say that.

-- Anne Glover, Times party photo czarina

You can almost see the tumor growing

Streeter is a busy man and can't be hassled with unwrapping cigarettes and taking them out of the box. Then, he would have smoke them individually too. What a waste of time! Streeter does his best to be more efficient and to save more time for important things, like drinking some high quality PBR.

Seriously, you're doing it wrong.

Van Halen vs. Who's the Boss

If you want comedy when you go out to a bar, search for the worst haircut. I guarantee that the guy with the god-awful hair will be doing something stupid.

At the Emerald in St. Pete, there are a bunch of guys with mullets. I can always count on them for my bar entertainment. It's better than going to see Richie Gervais. Last night, I saw a friendly drunken fight that resulted in many sexual innuendos and a lot of name-calling, including the guy who looked like David Lee Roth with a mullet calling another guy Tony Danza (I can't think of a worse insult). The drunken hilarity ended with "David" chasing "Tony" with a chair like he was the bull in a toreador match. The only casualty was the poor chair when it was thrown against a wall.

What was the brilliant excuse the guys gave to the bartender for breaking a chair in two? "Tony" burned "David" with a cigarette.

The next time you're thinking of shelling out $50 for a ticket at the Improv, just go to a local bar and look for the mullets. You'll save a lot of money and get more laughs.

[Both Photos from AP]

What the duck!

When I think of Ybor companions, I think of getting a couple of the guys together for a night of drinking or taking a girl out to dance the night away. I can't say I've ever thought of putting a large plastic duck on a leash and dragging it behind me everywhere I go.

But this is what I saw at The Castle on Friday night. Meet "Stitches" -- the guy who was dragging around the aforementioned duck, who remains nameless.

I understand that he's dressing up to try and be different and unique but it just ends up looking like he's trying way too hard to be original. As far as clothing goes kids, taking a brand new shirt and ripping it to shreds doesn't make you look cool, it makes you look trashy enough to be Paris Hilton's new boyfriend (It also ruins a perfectly good shirt!).

I feel sorry for that duck though. It's being dragged around town so much that the bottom is starting to wear out. I only hope that protective services will one day take it and put it in a loving home.

Midgets. In Ybor. Again. Ho-hum.

What is it with the James Joyce Pub and tiny people? First, they host the dwarf cage fighting events (Here's some footage of the championship)and now it's midget Chippendales. They apparently missed out on booking Mini-Kiss, who appeared at Jackson's recently.

Seriously, this is one of those weird, underground events that is going to bring so many different types of people out of the woodwork. I've already heard a couple of my bartender pals talking about going. (We'll see if they show up, though.)

I'm a little (ha!)  weirded out by tiny male dancers putting on a show at the James Joyce for two reasons. One, the upstairs pub is my parents' favorite bar in Ybor, and that makes me a little (ha again!) concerned about them and their habits when I'm not around. And two, I'm worried about the people who are legitimately excited about seeing the tiny Chips.

Check back tomorrow for a full review of the event, including the answer to the burning question in my head: How are they going to do lap dances?

The fun starts at 8 tonight (6/18) when the doors open, and the show starts at 10. The cost to get in is $8 at the door. The pub is located at 1704 1/2 E Seventh Ave.

Mad magazine folderama T-shirt

I found some of the best fashion this week. While at the June Art Mixer at the Tampa Artists Emporium, a cool event and one I highly recommend going to in July for the next one, I found a T-shirt that completely blew my mind.

Normally, witty T-shirts do nothing for me. I spent a good year working Hot Profit and you'll sooner see airborne swine than me paying attention to a T-shirt. This one did catch my interest because the lettering for it looked Russian and I quickly went over to commend this art patron for her international flair.

Turns out it wasn't Russian, though, or any language for that matter, but a jumbling of letters that made a choice epithet when folded together (thoughtfully censored here for sensitive eyes). You've just gotta love the idea of hiding curse words in plain view on a  T-shirt.

Annoying? Or random quirkiness that works?

I was walking down the Central Avenue about to begin my night of fun-loving drunkenness when a man with a guitar and an amp burst out onto the sidewalk in front of the Uptown Bar in St. Petersburg. He sang (screamed) a song, then ran back inside, tripping over his amp cable on the way in. Smooth.

Okay, so I’m not saying the guy was any good (his voice sounded like a feral cat being hit with a beer bottle and his guitar playing was worse that that) but it just stuck out because it was so unique. Had he been any better, I probably would’ve checked out the show. Next time, be sure you have some talent before you self-promote in public.