Wait! Do You Have A Form 27-B-Slash-6?

Yesterday I got a two-page mailer from an outfit called the Pinellas Planning Council with the headline, "Notice of Amendment of Countywide Future Land Use Map.'' See if you can make it through the first paragraph:

The Pinellas Planning Council (PPC) and the Board of County Commissioners, in their capacity as the Countywide Planning Authority (CPA), will conduct public hearings on proposed map amendments to the "Countywide Future Land Use Plan for Pinellas County" (Countywide Plan Map), pursuant to the "Rules Concerning the Administration of the Countywide Future Land Use Plan,'' as amended (Countywide Rules), as set forth in the listing below.

Wait, please bear with me. A couple paragraphs later, the mailer says:

The public is hereby advised that the effect of any proposed amendment may significantly impact the type and intensity of use of the subject property and may be of interest to neighboring property owners. The PPC will make an advisory recommendation to the CPA for approval, approval with modification or conditions, denial, denial with alternative recommendations, or continuance of the items. The recommendation by the PPC and the action of the CPA may amend the Countywide Plan Map from the current plan category to the proposed plan category as referenced on the face of the brochure for the amendment, or to another plan category as may be determined appropriate based on the public hearings and consistent with the Countywide Plan, Countywide Rules and procedures related thereto.

I gather that this means: "Hey, You! We are re-drawing the maps that say what kind of stuff can be built where. You might be affected so you should check this out.''

Now, I would like to stress that the purpose of this mailer is, apparently, TO INFORM THE PUBLIC. Which means that whoever wrote this ought to be fired. Whoever approved it should be fired, too. Well, okay, maybe that's being harsh. Whipped with noodles. Made to sit in the courthouse lobby to be mocked. Something to shame them for sending out this ridiculous gunk.

Here's my favorite part. The brochure informs me that my own home's category is proposed to change from something called "Residential Urban'' to "Residential Low.'' There's a paragraph saying that in general, this allows no more than 5 dwelling units per acre. It does NOT tell me what the existing category allows, so I don't know what's actually changing.

Then it adds:

For a detailed listing of potential uses and applicability for this proposed category, please reference Article 2 contained in the Countywide Rules at the following website: www.co.pinellas.fl.us/rules/cntyrule.htm.

So apparently, despite the two-sheet, four-page mailer (one of which is blank), they could not get around to telling me the actual changes affecting me, and instead spent money telling me that I needed to look it up somewhere else!

By the way, the headline of this post and the artwork come from the film Brazil, which was intended as a parody of, among other things, out-of-control bureaucracy.

Comments

[Jim Johnson]

This is what happens when you run things by the "legal" department.

I think law school teaches you that you need to qualify absolutely everything so that nothing is left open to interpretation.

"This is information retrieval not information dispersal."

[Mr. Buttle]

Good post. But you(and the Times, unfortunately) are missing out on the opportunity to illustrate for the residents of St Petersburg what the LDR rewrite will mean. I'd like to see someone choose ten or twelve sample parcels that are currently developed in keeping with the neighborhoods surrounding them, and illustrate what could be constructed on those parcels should the LDR rewrite be enacted.

I think the average resident would HOWL at the densities, height and mass of the structures that are in the offing.

[Jenna]

I think an appropriate punishment for whoever wrote that would be to have to attend school board meetings. Then they would be exposed to an entirely different, equally impenetrable forest of jargon and acronyms. Give 'em a taste of their own medicine.

[Howard Troxler]

Mr. Buttle: I would be eager and grateful if you could start me off with a couple of examples. The residential change I saw does not seem significant, but maybe I am missing something?

[20/20]

Howard, I speak bullsh*t… let me see if I can help.

Basically, it means that they want to allow developers to increase density in high-hazard areas like Golden Lantern MHP (ring any bells)… but wait, there’s more… it will be sold as a way to help the affordable housing crisis… and ultimately benefit developer profits.

The result… poor people will be pushed into high-hazard flood zones with very high insurance rates, and countywide condo density will double. And the CPA (aka: BOCC) will expect to be praised for caring.

[Bonnie]

The full page ad caught my attention on Monday and I though it sure would have been nice to have a legend to explain what RM; RU; INS; etc, meant. I haven't gone to the website yet. At least, thanks to you, I now know what "RU" and "RL" mean. LOL!

[20/20]

Ooo, I forgot to tell you the best part; The “…approval with modification or conditions, denial, denial with alternative recommendations, or continuance of the items” part means that if the CPA (BOCC) denies the developers plan due to public/neighbor opposition, the PPC can make a few insignificant changes in conjunction with the developer, then take it back to the CPA (BOCC) “without” public notification or a public hearing.

Mission Accomplished!

[Confused in St Pete]

I used to work for the county and I guarantee you that some of the folks there don't even know what those things mean. Good luck to us all, the developers get what they want as our roads get more crowded and our environment pays the price. Big Sky country is starting to look real appealing!! Let 'em have it Howard!!

[Jennifer W]

I saw the full page ad in the paper too and thought for a second, hey I should be a good citizen and go to this meeting and/or at least be informed about this. But that was a fleeting moment. When does Gov. Crist's "normal language" rule kick in? Or is that only for state level stuff, not local?

[20/20]

Jennifer, Crists initiative is for State only, and you should go to the meeting as a good and concerned citizen. Read my above posts for a clearer and concise explanation of this move.

If I’m lying, I’m dying… and I’m alive and well, thank you very much..:-)

[Winston]

It's not hard to see where the County could start re-couping some of their losses on tax cuts.

Amen to that Winston... Amen to that!

[Jim Johnson]

Re: Comment #1 (from my evil twin, Jim Johnson)

My experiences in a few thousand trials is: The wording doesnt matter as too many judges are hopelessly ignorant of the laws and/or have very limited vocabularies. Even old Oliver Wendell Holmes made some colossal blunders that defied logic and precedent and common sense. I recall a Hillsborough judge who dropped the charges against a defendant, then tried to do a conviction order on the man she had just released. She was totally flabberghasted when his lawyer suggested the state file charges, first.

I'm convinced you can make a law of Mother Goose rhymes, and plenty of Tampa Bay judges will construe anything you can imagine from those rhymes. It is THAT absurd.

[Alan B]

What's the problem?

It seems a real shame that almost 8 acres of commercial parkway property along 34 st S.is being taken off the market at the expense of St Petes lower income people. This property mostly owned by Child park residents is being downzoned back to its present use residential multi family at a time when south 34st is booming with new business moving north. Most of these residents have no idea that this little flier is telling them that these changes will eliminate any possibility of being bought out by a new business as many had hoped for, giving them a much needed helping hand into retirement