The (fake) year in review, Part II

The (mostly fake) news of 2007 in review, Part II:

July 4: Pinellas County refuses to buy land from its own elected property appraiser, saying, "This is obviously a sensitive transaction that requires the highest level of caution."

July 13: The treasure-hunting ship Odyssey is seized at sea by Capt. Jack Sparrow.

July 20: A mysterious lack of hurricanes prompts State Farm to cancel another 50,000 customers in Florida.

Aug. 2: NASA discovers a bad valve behind space-shuttle toilet. "Here's yer problem right here," NASA's plumber says, while displaying his own, you know, moon shot.

Aug. 8: A bunch of guys sitting around with nothing else to do decide it would be really neat-o to buy the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Aug. 16: An investigation by Hillsborough County concludes that it's okay that Hillsborough County blew all that money on the lake of a Hillsborough County commissioner, Brian Blair. Well, glad that's settled.

Aug. 17: Florida's entire Panhandle to be paved over for giant airport. "It's not like you're using it," St. Joe Co. executive says. [rest of column]