Tuesday's column on Monday! Lawyers in space and other matters

Tuesday topics:

(1) While sifting through the bills passed by the Legislature this year I ran across this one: “An act relating to informed consent for spaceflight.”

Yep. From now on, if you’re a space tourist launching from Florida, you’ll first have to sign a statement acknowledging the danger involved.

And if you get hurt or killed because of the “inherent risks of spaceflight,” under Senate Bill 2438 you and your family won’t be able to sue. It’s sort of like the deal you sign when taking a bungee jump.

You might be thinking, “Wait a minute. There’s no such thing as a space tourist.”

Not yet. But everybody figures there will be one day, and Florida wants to be a space-industry-friendly state. After all, nine other states also have “spaceports” and are our potential competitors.

As for you space lawyers out there, don’t despair. There are still grounds for action if someone acts negligently, knowingly or with intent to hurt someone. You’ll always be able to sue the Klingons.

Louie, Louie

Okay, this is Louie at 13 weeks. Just in case you needed a puppy photograph.

Tuesday's column on Monday! (But just remember, it's April 1)

SENATOR QUITS: The sponsor of a measure allowing Florida teachers to espouse “alternatives” to the theory of evolution announced today she is resigning from the Legislature to pursue a degree in paleontology.

State Sen. Ronda Storms, R-Brandon, said she has changed her mind about evolution and hopes to be able to build a model of a T. rex in the lobby of the state Capitol.

In reply, the president of the state Association of Science Teachers announced plans to enter a seminary.

SCHOOL LOTTO: The state has announced a plan to place automatic lottery-ticket vending machines in all Florida schools, so that young people “can help finance their own education.”

“If we’re going to fund the problems of this state, we need to get citizens into the gambling habit earlier,” Gov. Charlie Crist announced.

In related news, the Florida Lottery announced its “Sign It Over” game, in which players can sign over mortgages and car titles for tickets. The odds of winning are not increased.

LOCAL MAN BAILED OUT: The Federal Reserve Board voted this week to rescue debt-ridden Jeremy Slotovonick of Hudson, Fla., in an attempt to support the nation’s troubled economy.

Slotovonick, 32, had amassed several thousand dollars in credit-card debt for video games and pizza deliveries. “We cannot afford for the Jeremys of the world to fall,” Fed chairman Ben Bernanke announced.

Markets rallied in response and several chairmen of Wall Street firms were awarded multi-million-dollar bonuses.

REALITY CHECK: Gov. Charlie Crist accidentally read part of the state budget and briefly engaged in pessimism, state officials said.

During the pessimism, which sources said lasted for several minutes, Crist bemoaned not only the state’s financial condition, but also its failure to solve the insurance and tax problems.

Alert aides quickly distracted the governor.

HIGHER ED  REFORM:  University degrees in Florida will be awarded by a private contractor using correspondence courses, the state Legislature has decided.

The vendor, the “University of Freddy,” is a non-accredited institution in a basement in Pensacola, causing some critics to question whether Florida is losing its commitment to higher education.

“Not at all,” replied state Senate President Ken Pruitt. “And as a bonus, “anybody with anything that says ‘UF’ on it won’t have to change.”

BASEBALL BUCKS: The owners of the Tampa Bay Rays announced they have changed their minds and want to put up the entire $450-million cost of a new baseball stadium out of their own pockets.

“We were just kidding about getting the public to sell off land and commit future tax dollars,” a team spokesman said. “We’ve had the money in the bank all along.”

In related baseball news, New York Yankees executive Hank Steinbrenner declared that “no other teams should play hard against us this year.”

MEDIA LAPSE: A motion was filed in the Hulk Hogan divorce case this week without receiving extensive local media coverage. Red-faced media officials apologized for the lapse and called it “a one-time oversight.”

•••

No fooling: Join me at noon Tuesday on TroxBlog for a live chat about current events. Look under the “Blogs” menu at www.tampabay.com.

Louie, Lou-aye, OH, baby

Happy Monday to you. First of all, allow me to plug the return of the weekly live chat here on TroxBlog at noon Tuesday. I'll be here live, taking reader comments and questions about current events in the Tampa Bay area and beyond.

This handsome fellow to the right is Louie. He is eight weeks and two days old. He is half Weimaraner and half black lab. We brought him home from his foster parents yesterday and he is doing famously.

Now, on other fronts:

* If Florida Democrats can raise $6-million and hold their own mail-in, "do-over" primary, that's fine by me. They can vote as many times as they want. But to prevent this mess in the future, here's an idea: change state law to allow each major party to set its own primary date as long as the party is willing to pay for the election itself.

* Check out this summary of the political fights in St. Pete Beach written by my colleague Nick Johnson. It's as bitter and divided as a community has been around here, and the dividing line is growth. I still stand by my last column on this topic -- I supported the citizens when they petitioned for voter control over growth, and I support those citizens who are now petitioning for different rules that would allow more growth. In short, I am a petitioning kind of guy.

* Speaking of which -- I think my print column tomorrow is going to be about the fact that Florida needs better rules for citizen petitions. The Hometown Democracy movement got caught up in a weird no-man's-land of Florida law. Petitions are supposed to be submitted before Feb. 1 -- but that's the same deadline for them to be verified. Basically, the government is able to block a petition drive by the expedient of simply not counting the signatures in time! There are other problems too. The key point is, even if you don't like citizen petitions, shouldn't they at least be treated fairly?

* Just in case you missed it, I highly recommend this article from Sunday's paper by my colleague Aaron Sharockman about the "true" cost of the existing Tropicana Field, which he pegs at $233-million to date, and at least $323-million by 2016 whether a new stadium is built or not. This does not "prove" whether we should build a new stadium one way or the other, but it is a highly instructive demonstration of how the costs of these things add up.

* One more time -- live chat, noon Tuesday. Stop by to join in, or just to see what folks are talking about.

... and a gratuitous puppy photograph

I am hoping that they will let us take the black one.

Don we now our sunshine carols

A few years ago I started doing this as an alternative to trying to find a Christmas column with a Deep Meaning. When more people tell me that they think these are lame, than tell me they like them, I'll stop. Could be any year now.

Best wishes to all for a merry Christmas. See you a little later in the week.

GOOD KING PETERSBURG

Good King Pet-ers-burg looked out, on the feast of Stephen,

Saw the poor all scattered 'bout, their presence most aggrievin'.

"Hither, page,' he cried right out, '"don't say t'was me who bid thee,

"Now send the cops to homeless town and cut down their tent ci-i-ty."

CHARLIE'S WONDERLAND

Like a rock, insurance prem-iums, drop un-til we barely see 'em,

With our burdens so light, and our taxes just right,

We're livin' life in Charlie's Wonderland.

In the spring we'll have a special session to outlaw hur-ri-canes (and see, it worked!)

Take a supermodel to confession, then hang out with The Donald for dessert!

He's so green, his roof is solar, no culture war, no ayatollah,

He skirts across the thin ice, thinking veep would be nice,

Living life in Charlie's Wonderland.

DECK THE STATE INVESTMENT POOL

Deck the state investment pool with worthless paper,

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-HA!

Wall Street does us rubes a favor , (ha ha, etc.)

Grade-Z debt now much de-plored, (ha ha, etc.)

Lehman puts Jeb on its board (ha ha, etc.).

THEY CAME UPON A WETLANDS CLEAR

They came upon a wetlands clear, in Hillsborough County one day,

And reg-u-la-tors of county hire for pro-tect-tion of it did pray.

"You fools!'" cried angry co-mis-sion-ers, "for asphalt and condos are best!'

And so, they gutted the rules henceforth, at their monied buddies' request.

AWAY IN A SECRET ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT AGREEMENT

Away in a secret economic development agreement,

A new stad-i-um planned,

No need to let folks know

The truth be-fore-hand,

Pretend-ing that vo-ters have any real say

While se-crets they're keeping in St. Pete to-day.

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A CREATIONIST

Grandma got run over by a creationist, coming home from science class on Christmas Eve,

You can claim we somehow came from monkeys, but that's not what me and the majority of the Pinellas School Board now believe.

THE DEMOCRATS ARE NOT COMING TO TOWN

You'd better not ask, you'd better not pry,

They won't say a word, and here's telling you why,

The Democrats are not coming to town.

They know they'll take our money, they'll sneak down here for cash,

But not a word of pol-i-cy,

'Cause they fear New Hampshire's lash! Oh!

Republicans now, all over the place,

Don't give a dang about delegate space

But the Democrats aren't coming to town.

The fake baseball deadline, and other topics

Good morning and happy Monday. Sorry about the Bucs.

There was a story over the weekend by my colleague Aaron Sharockman about the city of St. Petersburg setting an "aggressive" timetable for moving toward a new baseball stadium for the Tampa Bay Rays. There was a quote from City Council chairman James Bennett that rubs the wrong way. Bennett said the city is "working with the time frame the Rays gave us."

I would suggest politely that the CITY should be giving the timetable to the RAYS. This is EXACTLY the kind of fake decision-making momentum that has taken the City Council down past boondoggles. Listen: There. Is. No. Deadline. The city doesn't have to do anything.

According to this schedule, the first City Council discussion of this plan occurs on Jan. 10 -- and eight days later, the city issues a request for proposals to developers for taking over the site of the existing Tropicana Field! Developers then have two months to reply, with the city supposedly picking one by May 1. Then the City Council calls an election for November...

Rays executives will be answering questions from the public from 2-3 p.m. Tuesday on my sister blog, http://blogs.tampabay.com/rays. Here's a link for an announcement of the session, and with the e-mail address for sending in questions.

Other quick topics:

* Tuesday is the day that Bright House Networks moves government access, along with educational and public access, off its lowest tier of channels around the Tampa Bay area. Customers now gotta pay $1 extra to see them. This is a Bad Thing. Our democracy ought to be on channel 2, not channel 1000, and it ought not cost extra. Bright House, nee Time-Warner, built its business on the public right-of-way with a public franchise...

* How come it took a state report for Pinellas school officials to swing into action with emergency meetings about having a low graduation rate? Didn't they notice until then?

* This guy has issues, but not nearly as many problems as the %##s who made those videos.

* The Stairway to Heaven has now been equipped with an escalator, wheelchair lift and frequent rest stops for those of us with prostate issues. In related news, Jimmy Page shakes his fist at pesky neighborhood kids and tells them to get off his lawn.

* Live chat here on TroxBlog at noon Tuesday.

Blast from the past

Apropos of nothing, here's another funny clipping dug up by Gary Mormino, the USF-St. Petersburg history professor who likes to root around in the archives.

This one should ring a bell for anyone old enough to remember the Cold War. Every burg and hamlet in the U.S. knew that it was important enough to be a target in the event of nuclear attack, because of the local widget plant or whatever. Plus, planning for The Big One was both patriotic and morbidly fascinating.

Hence this clip from the Bradenton Herald from 1957: "If H-Bomb Wipes Out Bradenton, Oneco Will Become County Seat."

On a happier note...

Thank you for all the kind words about Harry the Dog (and I suppose thanks as well to the fellow who at least took the time to say, "Boo hoo. It's just a dog.")

There are a lot of things going on in the news, including this morning's announcement that a big showdown is brewing between our House and our Senate... more about those things soon.

For now, here's a column about Harry that first ran on May 8, 2000.

* * *

FIELD NOTES ON HARRY THE DOG

1. Introduction

2. Physical description

3. General attributes

4. Behavior toward dogs

5. Behavior toward cats

1. Introduction. The dog Harry was acquired 3/25/00 in the manner by which cat owners often come into dogship, which is to say, nuptially. It was a package deal. My intent now is to provide useful and empirical description of this new species.

2. Physical description. The animal is 75 to 80 pounds in weight. His solid coat is the color of a medium to dark mustard. By ancestry he is one-half yellow Labrador, roughly 40 percent German shepherd and the rest generic dog. He is 5 calendar years old.

3. General attributes. The dog's main activities are: whimpering, barking, wagging, prancing, chasing and sleeping. The first three are a prelude to taking a walk. The next two occur during a walk. The last occurs after a walk.

The dog is quite protective and capable of fierce displays to intruders. However, in the company of known humans, the dog Harry possesses a vigorous wag that may be invoked by the mention of his name. Continued stimulation makes this motion more pronounced. Putting on sneakers results in an ecstatic whimper-bark and a full- scale, sine-wave gyration of the torso.

This wagging phenomenon also is exhibited upon the reunion of the dog Harry with a human being after a separation. Plotting this wag over a month's time yields the following formula:

W = 15X - (T - 70)

where W equals degrees of wag-arc, X is the number of hours of human absence, and T is the temperature in degrees Fahrenheit (wag is dampened by heat).

Unlike cats (see note No. 5 below), the dog Harry desires for humans to throw objects a distance so that he may run to them eagerly, take them in his mouth and return. Tennis balls and sticks are most suitable. Return is usually immediate, unless the dog encounters another dog (see No. 4) or becomes tired, in which case he drops the ball adjacent to a tree and "accidentally" marks it, too, resulting in the end of the game.

4. Behavior toward dogs. The dog is the owner of a nearby city park. Each morning he enters this territory with a high-stepping prance. Other dogs are permitted, provided that (1) he may inspect them, in the customary fashion, and (2) he gets to mark the closest tree immediately after each encounter, re-establishing his legal claim to the park.

At all times, improper behavior may be curtailed by a harsh spoken word from the dog's handler, followed by a return to the leash. At the dinner table, misbehavior such as begging is ended with a technique from the dog's original owner known as The Look, which produces the desired effect of terror, even on other humans in the room.

5. Behavior toward cats. The dog Harry was introduced into a new home and fenced area also housing a female house cat and her two adult male sons. As a mountain dog, Harry's recent history with cats consisted of chasing them joyfully, which as far as he knew, was equally fun for all parties. Field observation suggests an additional formula:

S = 1

where S represents the number of cat-swats across the nose the dog underwent before ceasing to chase cats.

The dog Harry thus embarked upon his own study of cats, learning that they do not play fetch, do not chase balls, and do not covet his chewable pig's ear, no matter how temptingly he drops it at their feet and begs them to try to snatch it. However, they do consent to an occasional dog-lick, and rub against him in return. This far exceeds the original, pessimistic predictions.

Harry

Please excuse a personal note. Now and then I have mentioned our dog Harry, who was diagnosed with terminal cancer nearly a year ago and given only 1 to 3 months to live. He made it for a lot longer than that, and his quality of life was good until the end.

Harry died this morning.

I will be out of the office for a day or so. I hope you will understand if we skip the weekly chat this week. Best wishes to all.

Apropos of nothing...

Gary Mormino of the University of South Florida St. Petersburg sends along another batch of interesting news clips from history. Here's a Gallup poll from 1958 showing Eleanor Roosevelt to be the Most Admired Woman in the world. Others in the list include the young Queen Elizabeth II, Claire Booth Luce, Mamie Eisenhower, Helen Keller Marian Anderson and Dinah Shore.

Here are the most result results for the annual Gallup poll taken last December, with the pecentage of respondents mentioning the name, and the number of years in the top 10:

1	Hillary Rodham Clinton	13	15
2	Oprah Winfrey	9	19
3	Condoleezza Rice	8	6
4	Laura Bush	4	6
5	Margaret Thatcher	2	28
6	Angelina Jolie	2	2
7	Nancy Pelosi	1	1
	Madeleine Albright	1	10
9	Barbara Bush	1	18
10	Maya Angelou	1	10

Issues, Issues

The most common question I get is, "How do you decide what to write about?" The trouble is deciding what NOT to write about. There are lots of deserving topics and I get just three print columns a week. That's been one helpful thing about this blog -- I can at least work in a mention of other issues, and it's been great for getting in a lot more reaction, criticism and comments from readers.

This morning's news serves as an example. I went through all the editions of the newspaper and jotted down my own list of things to learn more about. I usually keep a little "hot list" of short-term topics in my notebook. (I have another list of longer-term, big-issue topics that deserve more attention, too, and try to weave them into the mix.)

* There are various things going on locally related to the overall topic of government television channels. Bright House wants to move them to a higher tier of cable channels, which I think is awful and speaks poorly about that company's role in the community. Citizens ought to be able to see the government process at the lowest and most widely seen tier of channels. At the same time, I've been awfully critical of government channels that produce multimillion-dollar propaganda shows that glorify politicians. Just show the meetings. Meanwhlie, both Pinellas and Hillsborough have proposals to eliminate public-access programming.

* The Legislature just canceled its special budget-cutting session, so our state's budget problems and the inevitable cuts have just been delayed. Meanwhile, I'd like to write a "shopping list" of Other Things They Ought to Fix in a special session. That includes: auto insurance/no-fault/personal injury protection, the loophole that spared Miami a property tax cut, and compensation for wrongfully imprisoned Alan Crotzer. Feel free to chip in suggestions for the special session -- now that there's a delay, maybe there's a little more chance to get other things on the agenda.

* Bill Richardson jokes that God doesn't want Florida to have an early presidential primary.  I think it's fascinating that the Democratic candidates so far have banded together to say they will NOT honor Florida's primary. Will they all be able to resist, or will someone break the deal? Hard to imagine that a big, early score in one of the nation's biggest states wouldn't be of use to one of the campaigns -- never mind that no actual delegates would be awarded. The prize is perception of strength, not delegate count -- who the heck cares how many delegates New Hampshire awards?

* I have always wanted to learn more about the Hillsborough Transportation Commission, which seems like a weird little outift that has its own little corner of regulation that gets little scrutiny.

* My old friend Wayne Garcia at Creative Loafing raised an excellent question recently (sorry for the delay in mentioning it) -- is this the right time to be shelling out tax money for fancy TVs in stadium skyboxes?

* I wrote a fantasy column in my head this morning about the terror and outrage that would result at a series of seemingly random murders of homeowners in, say, Davis Islands, Palma Ceia or the Old Northeast.

* Spratt, Spratt, Spratt. Here's my column today, saying I would have fired him in Tuesday's County Commission meeting. And here's today's news story about his precarious situation.

... And A Few Other Things

* Looks like the Pinellas County Commission is going ahead with a plan to allow denser hotel development. This is a major policy decision about the county's future, being made more or less by default. It's a version of the same debate that's being fought across Florida. In the end, we won't and can't say no to the tourism dollars. I wonder what this debate would be like if there were going to be a countywide referendum on it?

* It's hard to be overwhelmed with sympathy for people who move into an fast-developing downtown and then complain about the fact there's urban noise there.

* Here's a nod to the state House Republican leadership for at least trying to come up with a plan to keep "no-fault" auto insurance instead of letting it expire on Oct. 1. The gist of the idea is that there ought to be cost controls on Personal Injury Protection, instead of just letting "providers" (that's chiropractors, clinics and so forth) more or less automatically use up the $10,000 that everybody carries. There are cost controls on health insurance, why not auto injury coverage?

The trouble is that the providers will fight it all the way, making it unlikely that the Senate will go along (or even that the idea will pass the full House). This is the same deadlock the Legislature has been facing for years. Interesting that opponents to cost controls would rather let the whole thing expire than settle for any kind of compromise.

Bottom line: If no-fault expires on Oct. 1 as scheduled, folks who carry their own injury coverage will be OK, but there will be more lawsuits, more uninsured motorists and more suffering for everybody else.

Back-To-School ABCs

I sat down this morning to talk about the day's news but, mindful of the beginning of the school year, started toying with this instead...:

A is for AM, as in, early morning,
No more summer sleep-ins
The new school year’s a-borning.

B is for Bucs, and their QB Garcia,
If Gruden’s no better
Should the Glazers say, “seeya?’’

C is for Charlie, our lovable gov’ner,
He’s got a quick slogan
For whatever’s troublin’ yer.

D is for drop like a rock, as in taxes,
And other cuts promised
(that didn’t work out in practice).

E is for emissions of bad greenhouse gases,
I keep hearing it’s fake,
But it’s hot as molasses.

F is for finance, and times that are shaky
Built on credit, and mortgages,
And other things fakey.

G is for  ...

Well, you get the idea.

...And These Other Thursday Matters

(1) This a WEIRD statement from the FBI about the two USF students accused of carrying explosives near a military base in South Carolina. How often do you hear the FBI cautioning the public that the accusations against somebody who's been arrested might be false? Your take is as good as mine, but my take is that whatever was in their car trunk might be closer to the innocent fireworks variety, as described by their families, than the "pipe bombs" described by the S.C. authorities. At the risk of self-congratulation, makes me even happier to have expressed some caution about this story a few days ago.

(2) Hundreds of people on both sides of the issue are packing the chambers of the Hillsborough County Commission today as that board decides the fate of the county's wetlands regulations. I am not overly impressed with the quickie report by Florida TaxWatch that the regs provide "limited" additional value, given that TaxWatch is basically a business-backed group that wants to cut government spending, and that Hillsborough's program has provided more protection to the environment than the state has. Take a look at this newspaper's extensive reporting on vanishing wetlands in Florida if you have any doubt.

(3) Cheers to the Seminole City Council. Here's why.

(4) Fact 1: Times reports that Hillsborough County has spent more money on Commissioner Brian Blair's lake than any other in the county. Fact 2: The county administrator, who works for the County Commission, issues a report Wednesday calling it a proper use of tax dollars, although without exactly saying why. Again, color me unimpressed.

Professor Mormino

From time to time I get a message from our front desk that says, "A gentleman has left a package for you." Now and then it's somebody who wants to tell me that Martians have landed, but it's usually a manila envelope filled with old newspaper clippings from Gary Mormino, the well-known history prof at the University of South Florida St. Petersburg. He and colleague Ray Arsenault run the Florida Studies program.

Here are some of Mormino's latest. First and second, from the mid-1960s, we see that political interference with the state university system is hardly new...

... and neither is talk about having a unified transit system in the Tampa Bay area (right). On the other hand, if you think NOTHING ever changes, consider this newsworthy 1960s advice: "Unattractive wives lose their husbands, claims college president." Imagine the reaction to the identical statement today...

Friday Morning Things: The YouTube Debate, The VA Hospital, Jim Smith

(1) I was struck by the quote in this morning's paper, originally printed in the Manchester (N.H.) Union Leader, from Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Romney (uh, that's him on the right) appears to be showing some skepticism about the CNN-YouTube debate scheduled for Sept. 17 in St. Petersburg:

I think the presidency ought to be held at a higher level than having to answer questions from a snowman.

The reference is to the format of the debate the other day among the Democratic candidates, in which YouTube viewers posed video questions to the candidates. A question about global warming was posed via the device of an animated snowman, speaking with a Mr. Bill kind of voice.

Actually, I thought the debate was novel enough to be worth it -- my only mild regret is that CNN screened the questions so there was STILL a mainstream filter of the process. So naturally the candidates were still able to spout out their rehearshed talking points whenever they could.

How fun it would be for the candidates just to stand there and take the next question off the top of the stack! Even if it were a nutball question about Martians or conspiracy theories or such, there would still be some value in seeing how the candidates dealt with it.

Anyway, does Romney really want to knock the entire YouTube thing, and by extension, the modern online world? What's next, expressing amazement at supermarket scanners?

By the way, there's also some question as to whether Rudolph Giuliani can attend the Sept. 17 debate, according to this morning's story.

(2) This ongoing story about the poor man who was not taken to the emergency room of the Bay Pines VA Medical Center and who then died is getting more and more confusing -- precisely because the people involved seem to be confused. Both county and hospital officials have given different statements about what the policy is. Part of the problem is that there seems to be a different standard for a non-vet simply showing up at the ER versus paramedics asking if they can bring someone. It makes sense to me to say that that our already-burdened vet hospitals shouldn't be used as general hospitals by the general public. So this is not to say that ANYBODY who shows up at the ER with ANY condition should be automatically treated. On the other hand, there ought to be a clear standard that paramedics can take anyone in an imminently life-threatening emergency to the nearest hospital that is capable of treating it.

(3) In the comments to my post yesterday about the Jim Smith mess in Pinellas, a reader named Mark predicts that the Times will be proven "completely wrong" on the story, which he defines as the grand jury not bringing any criminal charges. Check out his comment and my reply.

Sunday Column: Dear SIr, Would You Keep. This Money?!

Here's good news: The quality of crooks on the Internet lately is getting much more entertaining.

After all, anybody can claim to be a banker in Africa who wants to give you money, as in this e-mail I got last week typos included:

My name is Mr. Maxwell Kwame: i'm the present branch Manager of Metropolitan And Allied Bank [Gh]Ltd. Dansonman branch, Ghana.

I write to solicit for your partnership in claiming the amount of $15,300,000M from an aaccount at our Head Office .

Unfortunately for Mr. Kwame, I was already leaning toward this other guy:

Firstly, I will like to introduce myself formally as Prof. Charles Soludo, The Executive Governor of The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN).You are been officially contacted by me today because your Inheritance Funds were Re-depositted into the "Federal Suspense Account" of CBN last week...

(I've always wondered why crooks in Nigeria or wherever Don't learn to Stop capitalizing words at Random.)

Anyway, I've accidentally become a collector of these e-mails, so I thought I'd ask for yours. Send 'em to me at troxblog@tampabay.com and I'll put 'em online.

Here's one ripped from the headlines (or from a George Clooney movie). A "Captain Simon Smith" says he was on a Marine patrol in Iraq that captured a cell of terrorists... [rest of column]

Sunday Column: Hexagons On Saturn: Now THAT'S Big News

This has been bothering me for the past three months. In March, they confirmed the existence of a big hexagon on the planet Saturn.

I am not kidding. Here is the photograph. There is a giant hexagon ringing the north pole of Saturn.

A hexagon! Six regular sides, each thousands of miles long. Nothing like it has ever been seen in our solar system... [rest of column]

... And Other Friday Comments

(1) Tell me if you have a different take on the interview in this morning's paper with former Hillsborough sheriff's deputy Daniel Brock. To me it looked like the guy's own words show that he's been over-zealous, to say the least, about drunken-driving arrests. Prosecutors had to drop 65 of the 313 cases that Brock investigated over a year' s time. To Brock, it's just that the prosecutors were wrong. Says Brock of the law on blood-alcohol content: "There is no legal limit. It's bad language that's used. You're not supposed to drink and drive." As for not videorecording 124 of his DUI stops, well, the equipment was broken a lot. And the guy who investigated him didn't like him. And so forth. Good luck with that. [Times photo | Daniel Wallace]

(2) The Pinellas County Commission in its discussion of the Brooker Creek Preserve last night decided to proceed with the process of passing an ordinance that is supposed to "protect" park and environmental lands, but which critics say still allows the County Commission pretty much to do as it pleases. At least now the public will get more chances to comment. It will be interesting to see whether the critics can get public support for a County Charter amendment that would be stronger.

(3) Is the property tax rollback and tax cap for local governments just passed by the Legislature unconstitutional?  Alex Leary's article this morning raises the question, quoting a legal analysis by a South Florida law firm. Here's a copy you can read for yourself: Download legal_analysis_property_tax_reform.pdf. The gist of it is that since the Florida Constitution sets a 10-mill tax cap for local governments, the Legislature can't run around inventing new caps of its own. I dunno -- for sure the Legislature couldn't raise the cap, but since local governments are creations of the Legislature in the first place, seems like it can set the rules. None of this matters unless somebody actually tries out the theory in court, of course.

College Loans And A Couple Other Things

I am entirely confident that the loan officers of Florida's schools and colleges, when presented with the chance to enter into business relationships with, accept free travel and gifts, and serve on the boards of loan organizations, in exchange for steering students toward certain loan programs, simply said: "That would be wrong." But just in case, thumbs-up to Attorney General Bill McCollum for looking into it.

And just to point out a few other things:

The Brooker Creek Preserve issue affects Pasco County too.

An outbreak of Don Imus disease in Tarpon Springs?

Lastly, speaking of baseball,  the bullpen blows it again.

Column: Fantasy Baseball (Stadium)

ST. PETERSBURG - Stunning the baseball world in one of the most amazing championship runs in history, the Tampa Bay Rays won the 2009 World Series on Saturday, sending the team's long-suffering fans pouring into the streets across Florida. The governor declared a state holiday.

Sales of Rays merchandise broke records across the nation as millions of admirers pledged new loyalty to the plucky team. The mayor of New York ordered Wall Street brokerages to fly tons of ticker-tape to Florida for a parade.

In related news, frustrated New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner fired every single employee of the Yankees organization ... [rest of column]

A New Stadium? Win, And We'll Talk

Here is how big an idiot I am. I hear the words, a new baseball stadium in Tampa Bay, and I do not immediately think, man, are you crazy, with all the other problems we've got?

Instead, I think: Well, if you started winning...

That's the ante just to get into the new-stadium game. I want the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the playoffs, and I don't mean just a quick one-time visit to the first round. I want to see little kids wearing Rays jerseys in Manhattan. Manhattan, Kansas, I mean. I want Rays games on ESPN. (Actually, I'd settle if they just showed Rays highlights on ESPN.)

You're tellin' me that if a baseball team from the governor of Florida's hometown made the World Series, it couldn't get a new stadium out of the deal? Hah.

But not this team -- not the one we have now. Lowest payroll in the business, last place for eight of its first nine years of existence. Being a fan of this team is a labor of lost and often frustrated love. There's a core of exciting young talent weighed down by having only two-fifths of a big-league pitching staff. You get what you pay for, unless you can grow your own, which is what they are claiming they are doing.

I seriously doubt that owner Stuart Sternberg made a clumsy whoopsie when he told the New York Times that Tropicana Field has a remaining "shelf life'' of five years. I think he got the subject of a new stadium broached in Tampa Bay by talking about it to the out-of-towners.

We still owe $100-million-plus on Tropicana Field. The Legislature is hostile to sports franchises these days. We're talking about major tax cuts and revenue shortages in Florida. And it's not like we've solved all our more pressing social problems, either. It's hard to imagine less favorable conditions for talking about a new stadium.

But it's hard to imagine not talking about it, on the day the Rays eliminate the Red Sox or Yankees and advance to the championship of the American League.

Just win first, baby.

Verizon's $2 Charge

Several readers have asked me what the deal is with Verizon's new $2-a-month minimum for long distance. Here's what it looks like on the phone bill (with the phone number removed):

I asked Verizon spokesman Bob Elek about this. He replied this is a new charge for a fairly small number of customers who have NOT chosen their own long-distance company, but who still have the capability of making long-distance calls over Verizon's lines. It was announced early this year and introduced in February. It did not require regulatory approval.

Basically, Verizon is billing people for the the fact the phone company is standing by with its network in case they make a phone call. You might say: "Well, I'm NOT making any long-distance calls, so why should I pay?'' The answer is that the charge is for the ability to make them, not necessarily for making them. If I understand Elek correctly, it is still possible to have phone service with NO long-distance capability whatsoever.

If people in this situation DO happen to make a long-distance call now and then, by the way, they pay whopping rates of 30 to 50 cents a minute -- it actually makes more sense for them to go to the next level up and pay Verizon $3 a month, to get a 5-cent-a-minute rate.

Finally, if you just don't think the phone company ought to be able to charge people $2 a month for not making long-distance calls, join the club of dissatisifed customers and "fire" Verizon. I haven't had a home phone for years now. But I suspect any wireless deal includes long-distance capacity, which means you're paying for it anyway -- are there any local-only wireless companies?

Oh, And These Three Friday Morning Things

(1) I know we've been jumpy these past few years, but college kids blowing up plastic soda bottles in an empty lot doesn't seem quite the same level as, say, setting off a pipe bomb. Two USF students face criminal charges for putting dry ice and water into bottles and letting the carbon dioxide pressure burst them. Next up: Authorities Bust Mentos-And-Diet-Coke Conspirators. I swear, if I were growing up today and did some of the same stuff I actually did in college, today I'd be in prison.

(2) As my colleague Jeffrey Solochek reports today, Pasco County is considering whether to bar students who haven't passed the FCAT from graduation exercises. Pasco apparently is in the minority; most places let high-school kids march anyway even if they haven't qualified to graduate. The article includes quotes about the emotional damage to kids who aren't allowed to march. Depends, I guess, on whether graduation is just a social goodbye ceremony, or a ceremony of accomplishment. I lean toward the hard-line side.

(3) Here's an excerpt from a reader's e-mail about drinking in public parks (in this case, Philippe Park in Safety Harbor last Sunday) and my reply:

Many families were out in the water with their jet skies.  A group of about 15 young adults, ranging in age from about 17 to 20 took the tables next to us. They also had their jet skies.  I could not believe it when I saw one of the young men blatantly take a beer bottle out of his cooler and proceed to drink it.  I know for a fact that county parks have a no drinking policy. There is a sign when entering the park. On our way out of the park, we stopped to alert the ranger. I was surprised by his response and lack of interest.  I suggested that perhaps he should go and check their cooler, he told me that they are not allowed to open coolers.  I was very surprised by this.  I then called the Pinellas County sheriffs office to also alert them since the ranger was limited in what he could do.  I was told by someone in dispatch that the ranger was correct, he was [not] allowed to open coolers and neither were they.  ...  I am flabbergasted by this response.

Me:

I am surprised that they don't police it, especially in terms of underage drinking or operating vehicles on the water. For my personal taste, I do not mind the idea of someone having a beer while fishing or having a picnic -- it's not the mere presence that bothers me as much as the idea of putting other people at risk...

Two 911 Calls

If you're like me, you probably take the ability to dial 911 for granted, knowing it's there if we need it. In two cases in the past few days on the Suncoast, the 911 system broke down. But the cases are different, and so has been their handling.

In Friday's and today's newspaper my colleague John Frank has articles about a 75-year-old man in Hernando County who died after a mixup in which his son called 911, but no ambulance was sent. No one can say whether an ambulance would have saved him, but there was always the chance. Notice this from Frank's Friday article:

Hernando County Sheriff's Office and fire officials met with the son Wednesday morning to apologize. Sheriff Richard Nugent said the incident is under investigation.

That seems decent. The Hernando case seems better-handled than the previous case in Pasco County, where a woman choked to death while a 911 supervisor refused to deal with her boyfriend on the phone, saying he would not speak with "a hysterical caller."

Good grief! How many people who call 911 aren't hysterical to some degree? My amateur's take on the culpable negligence statute is the supervisor could be charged with a crime. Woman choking to death, boyfriend calling 911, he the 911 supervisor refusing to help? Sheesh. On the other hand, the legal profession is no doubt made much better by my absence, and here's a calmer article by Camille C. Spencer on why this is a grayer legal question than it might seem.

This Kind Of Comment Is Really Out Of Place Here, Mister

We all agree after last night's episode that Juliet is still working for The Others, right?

Life Is Too Serious For Monkey Jokes, Mister (See Below). You'd Better Comment On Important Things In Today's Newspaper.

(1) I am a tree-huggin' greenie, but sometimes I wonder if the sudden biofuel madness has anything to do with who gets rich from it. But notice the interesting article today by my colleague Wes Allison in Washington (hey, Wes, you're missing spring training!) about the artificially high price of sugar in the U.S. -- too expensive to be useful for biofuel. Unless, I dunno, Big Sugar made enough campaign contributions, or got its own guys elected to high office... hey, WAIT a minute...

(2) Certain Largo city commissioners must be thinking: You mean I have to fire the guy all over again? Steve Stanton decides not to go away quietly.

(3) By Bill Levesque: Don't look at how we are secretly spending tax dollars, or else, you know, the terrorists will win.

(4) I wish I had written a Buddy Johnson column already, but for now this morning's editorial will do. This has long since gotten embarrassing.

Q. By Any Chance, Did Your Neighbor Dave Tell You A Monkey Joke This Morning? A. Why, As A Matter Of Fact...

Guy driving his truck down the road sees a buddy whose truck is stalled on the shoulder. The stalled truck is full of monkeys. First guy stops and says, "Is there anything I can do to help?'' Second guy says, "Yes, I'm supposed to take these monkeys to the zoo. Say, can I pay you $25 to take them?'' First guy agrees, loads up the monkeys and drives off.

A little while later the second guy, still waiting for a tow truck, sees the first guy drive back by. Monkeys are still in the truck. He flags him down and says, "Hey, I thought I paid you $25 to take those monkeys to the zoo!'' First guy says, "Yes, and I did. But after that we had some money left over, so I thought I'd take them to the beach."

... And Meanwhile, In Other News

* St. Joseph's Hospital did a good job of responding to the story of the bogus ER worker, talking to the world about what happened and being forthright about the lapse in security. But I cynically fear that some lawyer is soliciting St. Joe's ER patients from the 10-hour period in question to sue for something.

* State Sen. Nancy Argenziano, R-Crystal River, is one of my favorites even though I sometimes disagree with her. She is blunt and unafraid and doesn't just toe the party line. She's been strongly pro-consumer on utility issues, and now is applying for a seat on the state Public Service Commission. The screening process has always been ridiculously pro-utility, but who knows?

* Shouldn't these folks have written some checks by now?

* Happy Thursday and happy ACC Tournament. In case I have not sufficiently displayed my partisan bias, here's today's column. And in closing, may I add: Go Heels.

Say, Who's In Those Photos Up Top?

Socrates, Groucho Marx, Boudiccea (a British warrior-queen who fought the Romans), Albert Einstein, Marie Curie and Felix the Cat. No reason in particular. I figure on swapping 'em out now and then.