Thursday column: Heckuva job on that toxic plume, y'all
Here's Thursday's print column. I was going to start out with a little scene-setting description and an interview I did from the Azalea area of St. Petersburg. But the more I thought about it, the more urgent it seemed for the column to make the point as vigorously and quickly as possible -- it just can't be enough for the government just to sit around and wait for the next report, as it's been doing for 15+ years.
Hence the slapstick, visual image of the governor literally kicking the DEP secretary in the seat of the pants until he fixes it. Would that government worked that way at times...
* * *
Here is what I would do if I were the governor. I would march down to the office of my secretary of the Department of Environmental Protection and start kicking him square in the butt.
"Ow, governor!" DEP Secretary Michael W. Sole would exclaim, trying to protect the region in question from my gubernatorial brogans. "Why are you kicking me in the butt? Please stop!"
But I would just kick him in the pants again and say, "Not until you fix this toxic chemical plume in my hometown of St. Petersburg! Your department has been dillydallying about it like a bunch of $#%$%s forever!"
Then I would hand DEP Secretary Michael W. Sole a bucket and a shovel and tell him to get down to St. Petersburg, and not to bother coming back until it was fixed. And by "fixed," I would not mean, "Scheduled to receive another report."
Okay, my little fantasy is finished now. This is not going to happen.
Here, instead, is what is going to happen with the toxic chemical plume that we now know to be on the move, making its way through underground western St. Petersburg, migrating toward Boca Ciega Bay:
Nothing.
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